


Sorry Arizona

by MssrTragicandConsumptive



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Cute, Description of Addiction, Fluff, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Jim and Bones are GOOD DADS, Joanna is good, M/M, Neither Bones nor Jim are addicts., Recovery, Roadtrip, finding yourself, love is real, mentions of abuse, mentions of sexual trauma, soft fluffy goo and good things, their life is softer, they go to fix broke things
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-15
Updated: 2019-06-07
Packaged: 2020-03-05 16:12:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18832123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MssrTragicandConsumptive/pseuds/MssrTragicandConsumptive
Summary: Jim and Bones go on a wild roadtrip to recover the good things in their lives, open new chapters and possibly find what they have been looking for since they left home and joined Star Fleet.McKirk





	1. Roadtrip

               The academy campus was quiet. A soft hush at such a late hour just before the start of yet another exam week. The warmth of spring edging into summer brushed over Leonard McCoy’s bare arms as he walked slowly across the Quad.

               Above him, the dark blanket of sky was lit with the little beacons of light, beautiful stars that from his position on the ground, seemed so ethereal. One thing Space Training hadn’t managed to take from him. While he knew that those lights were burning balls of gas, from where he stood on Earth they seemed as harmless and beautiful as he had always thought them to be.

               Little guides in the solitary life he had crafted since leaving Georgia. Since leaving everything behind.

               Leonard stopped walking, standing still and alone on the sidewalk. He tilted his head back and closed his eyes, breathing in deeply of the sea scents and humid air. In his mind he visualized the old wrap around porch, the swing with the sun-bleached blue cushions. He imagined the smell of peach trees in full bloom surrounding the house.

               He imagined that little, smiling face, with beautiful blond curls tied back with his own clumsy fingers. Bright green eyes that shone with the innocence and wonder of a young, beautiful light. Just like all the little stars above him. Beautiful and ethereal.

               “Bones?”

               Leonard jerked as he heard his name, his eyes snapping open. He turned to see James Kirk approaching him from the direction of campus. He had his school bag slung over his shoulder and despite the lazy smile on his lips, he looked tired.

               “Jim. Burning the midnight oil?” Leonard chuckled. “Not really like you to stay on campus so late.”

               “Well…” Jim stopped next to Leonard on the sidewalk. “I could say the same about you, walking around at night alone. You going somewhere?” He indicated the old jeans and t-shirt the Doctor was wearing.

               “Not really, just couldn’t focus on studying. Thought I’d take a walk.” Leonard shrugged. “Was just starting back to the dorms.”

               “I’ll join you.” Jim grinned. Leonard chuckled.

               “So do I get to know why you were at school so late?” Leonard asked as the started walking.

               “Bleg.” Jim wrinkled his nose up and stuck out his tongue. “I had dinner with Captain Pike. He decided we should run some practice drills for the exam on Friday.”

               “Heh. So he was making sure you actually attempted to study.” Leonard chuckled, which earned him an elbow in the side from Jim.

               “Hey! I study!” the reprimand came with a sharp glare.

               “Last I checked, studying anatomy wasn’t part of your training as an officer.” Leonard cocked an eyebrow. He watched the sly smile slid across Jim’s face.

               “It’s not anatomy, it’s human relations. Which are _very_ important as an officer.”

               “Not those kinds of relations. That’ll get you barred by Starfleet HR, Jim.” Leonard snorted. They were fast approaching the large buildings that housed the various students.

               “So, what were you thinking about?” Jim asked as they stopped outside the doors to the lobby. Neither of them was quite ready to go inside. Something about the night air was promising and alive. It made the hairs on Leonard’s arms stand in a shiver.  
               “I…” Leonard frowned and looked away from Jim, out across the bay that met with the dormitory courtyard. “I was thinking of Georgia.”

               Jim didn’t say anything for a long moment, and then he slid his bag off his shoulder, setting it on the ground. He crossed his arms over his chest and looked out over the water. “Think you’ll ever go back?”

               “I don’t know.” Leonard replied, the honesty of the response making his chest ache. “I don’t really miss home. I miss Joanna.” He sighed and tilted his head back. “She’ll be three this summer. But even if I went back…Joce wouldn’t let me see her. Legally there isn’t anything I can do.”

               Jim grumbled something that sounded like a rude name under his breath. “Maybe we should go? I mean, break is almost here. I bet Pike would let us borrow the truck to road trip it.”

               “I—we can’t do that.” Leonard said, his voice was tight. “I can’t drag you into that mess, Jim…It wouldn’t be right.”

               “I’m offering. And what are we going to do here anyway? You’ll sulk and take too many summer classes even though you said you wouldn’t, and I’ll get bored and drink away a kidney. C’mon! It’ll be fun. You can show me the old rodeo and I can kick some Ex ass.” Jim’s eyes flickered dangerously.

               “Now you just hold on. No one’s kicking anyone’ ass. Unless it’s me. I’m allowed to kick asses. Jim, I can’t just go down there and show up. We both agreed it would be easier on Joanna if I didn’t visit. She’s young enough that it won’t…that…” Leonard couldn’t finish. The words were too painful. That she wouldn’t remember him.

               “Fucking Christ Bones.” Jim snapped, taking Leonard by surprise. “We’re doing this. I’m going with you. You can’t keep doing this to yourself.” Jim caught his gaze. “I know you haven’t told me the whole story, but I know enough to have a solid guess that what happened wasn’t your fault, and she is as much your daughter as she is Jocelyn’s. You deserve to see her.”

               Leonard fought to keep his emotions under some level of control. “I still don’t understand how you coming makes this easier. I’ll be peeling you off bar floors all the way to Atlanta.”

               “Because despite that fact, I am good company. And if someone doesn’t go with you, who will scrape _your_ ass off the motel 8 when you inevitably end up on a bender?”

               “…I hate when the words that come out of your mouth make sense.” Leonard raked a hand through his hair, standing it on end. Jim snatched his bag strap and hoisted it, giving him a lazy salute.

               “You and me. Roadtrip. Details after exams end Friday.” And then he turned on one of those ridiculous bouncy heels and strode through the sliding doors to the dorm lobby.

               Leonard stared after him. This was going to be a long summer.

 

 

 

               The morning was cool and fresh as Jim tossed their duffels into the back of Christopher Pike’s old F150. The red paint was chipped on the door and down the right side there was a deep, rusting scratch. Leonard loved the old truck. It was familiar and vintage and all things not Starfleet. It was a private look into the Spaceship Captain’s life outside of space.

               “Snacks, check! Coffee—check! Bones! Check!” Jim nudged Leonard’s shoulder with his own as he walked around to the passenger’s side door.

               “I can’t believe I let you talk me into this.” Leonard groaned as he opened the door and slid onto the seat. The old leather crackled as his jeans moved over it. The inside of the cab smelled dusty and slightly of well-oiled riding tack.

               “I can! Adventure awaits us!” Jim slammed his door shut.

               “Or possibly an assault charge.” Leonard replied dourly, shoving the key into the ignition. The engine roared to life and Leonard flipped the truck into reverse, backing down Pike’s driveway.

               “Oh c’mon, Bones. Lighten up. This is going to be an awesome time.” Jim settled in, snatching his cup of coffee from the cup holder and taking a sip. The sun was only just starting up over the horizon as they pulled out onto the main road.

               When was the last time he had done a road trip? It was before Joanna was born. He and Joce had been dating for three months when he had suggested they drive to New Mexico over spring break during their final year of medical school. The drive had been beautiful. Sprawling desert and red sand. Joce had complained they should have gone to the beach for the week instead. Even then he’d known there was something about them that may not ever work. He couldn’t understand how anyone couldn’t fall in love with that wild, western beauty.

               “Alright, take a right onto the freeway there-“ Jim directed, and Leonard obeyed, merging onto the freeway on-ramp. Jim cracked his window and the crisp morning air blew into the cab, making Jim’s golden hair shimmer as it was flipped up from his face.

               “You’re like a damn puppy.” Leonard drawled. “A little lab puppy. Just don’t stick your head out on the freeway.”

               “If I’m a puppy, does that make you the grouchy old farmer?” Jim retorted, his smile brilliant. Leonard rolled his eyes.

               “If I’d had any hope of being a farmer, I’d have stayed away from medical school and the soul-crushing debt.” He offered Jim a half-smile and reached for his own coffee.

               The first few hours of the trip passed uneventfully. Jim talked constantly about how in just one more year, he’d be an officer. Then he yanked out an ancient paper map from the glove box and studied it intently.

               “So we’re stopping in Albuquerque tonight?” He turned the map around and around, trying to find the right way to read it.

               “And Memphis the next night.” Leonard replied. This trip seemed to be taking him to all the places that were meant to drive him into an emotional breakdown.

               “Awesome. I’ve never been through New Mexico. I hear it’s beautiful.” Jim’s voice sparkled with bright excitement, and Leonard couldn’t help the little smile that traced his lips.

               “It’s really amazing. Has it’s own feel. Unlike any other place I’ve been.” He replied. He glanced at Jim, now entombed in the map. “My god, Jim. What are you doing?”

               “I was trying to read it! But it just kept unfolding and getting bigger-“ Jim growled as he attempted without success to refold the map down to a manageable size. It was a puzzle that once opened seemed impossible to decipher.

               “Why didn’t you just look at the GPS?” Leonard arched an eyebrow.

               “It’s the aesthetic.” Jim replied with conviction. “We’re road-tripping. In an old truck. Across the south. GPS is cheating.”

               “But you can’t even read the map.” Leonard chuckled.

               “I was figuring it out! And then it exploded.” Jim snapped, still trying to wrestle the paper to an angle where he could trace the little red and blue lines. “See, I think we’re here…” He traced the line on the map that was going through the mountains. “And we’ll come out here and then we’ll follow this little wiggly line for a while and—”

               “You’re going to make yourself carsick.” Leonard warned.

               “I’m fine. See and then we will follow this line up and—”

 

               Fifteen minutes later they were pulled over on the shoulder while James T Kirk wretched into a tumbleweed patch.

               “I told you. Remember what happened on Spring break?” Leonard rolled his eyes as he patted Jim on the shoulder, offering him the waterbottle he’d fished from the cooler in the back of the truck.

               “You hardly have a leg to stand on when it comes to getting motion sick.” Jim coughed, straightening and accepting the waterbottle.

               “I did warn you.” Leonard’s eyebrows went up. Jim scowled at him.

               “Fine. No more map while moving.” He muttered.

               “That would be wise. I doubt the Captain would appreciate you barfing in his vintage truck.” Leonard gave him a softer look. “You feeling better?”

               “Besides my pride? Yeah. You have any Dramamine in your bag?” Jim swished a mouthful of water and then spat.

               “Sure do. As you know, I don’t leave on a trip without it.” Leonard chuckled.

 

               After finding the little bottle for Jim, they were back on course, rumbling down the freeway through increasingly deserty landscapes. The heat had been steadily going up, and Leonard was intensely grateful for the air-conditioner, and that Pike took such careful care of the truck that it still worked.

               “So…when was the last time you drove through here?” Jim asked, his eyes flicking to Leonard’s face.

               “’Bout five years ago.” Leonard said, trying to keep his tone neutral. He could feel Jim’s eyes boring into the side of his face and he sighed, glancing a look at the other man.

               “And?” Jim pressed.

               “You need the whole story?” Leonard scowled.

               “Yep. For historical documentation and all that shit.” Jim took another sip from the water bottle.

               “Fine.” McCoy said after heaving a long sigh. “I guess, since we are on this weird ass pilgrimage to my ruin life, I will indulge you.”

               “I do love story time.” Jim said, but he settled back, his gaze intent on the road ahead as he waited for Leonard to start.

               “The last time I was down here was the spring before I graduated Medical school. I was twenty, almost twenty-one. Joce and I had started dating that previous fall after my internship had ended at the hospital. Apparently dating your mentor is frowned upon, go figure.” Leonard rolled his eyes. “I wanted to go somewhere, get away from all the stress of the upcoming exams and graduation. Joce wanted to rent a condo, but I just wanted to drive somewhere. Pitch a tent and just forget the city for a while. I never really liked being in Atlanta.” Leonard breathed out slowly. “So we packed the car up and just like this, got in and started driving. The closer we got to New Mexico, the more it just seemed…like a different planet. Like we’d left earth behind and it was the two of us, exploring some place no other person had been.”

               “But?” Jim asked, taking Leonard by surprise as the interjection.

               “But. But Jose didn’t like it. Didn’t understand why we’d ‘wasted a whole vacation’ driving around in the sand. Never was much one for camping or exploring. A cushy career in a highbrow clinic will do that. Jose grew up in the city. I was damn floored when we agreed on the house outside the city. I thought I was doomed to a condo over a mall for the rest of my life.” Leonard laughed.

               Jim was quiet for a long time. The silence that followed Leonard’s words became unnerving and he glanced at the younger man. There was an expression on Jim’s face that he didn’t have in his catalogue for moody Jim Kirk.

               “You okay?” He asked.

               “Yeah…I just…I don’t get it.” Jim scowled. “Why did you marry Jocelyn. It sounds like you had nothing in common. I mean, I think marriage is pretty much just shooting yourself in the foot anyhow. But I just don’t understand why you did it.”

               “That is a good question.” Leonard replied, his tone wistful. “I don’t really expect you to get it. It’s personal preference I think. I never needed Joce. I think a lot of people see marriage as weakness. That commitment shows you can’t be okay on your own, and that wanting another person’s affection and intimacy somehow means you aren’t stable or okay by yourself. That might be true for some people, but for me, I was good. I was happy, had a stable career, a job offer waiting for me and I was content. But when I met Joce, I realize I wanted to share all that I had with another person.” A soft, vulnerable smile came over Leonard’s expression. “I saw a future that I shared with someone. Someone smart, and strong, and independent. Someone who valued my skills and my personality, who thought I was someone they wanted to share their time with too. I liked that. Knowing that there was someone I could come home to at the end of the day and share my experiences with.”

               “Couldn’t you just be content on your own? It’s simpler like that. Easy. No pissing anyone off. No hurt or worry that they’ll leave you. No being afraid of what they think or that you won’t agree.” Jim frowned contemptuously.

               “I could have done that. But I don’t think it was right for me. It’s definitely harder when you decide to be with someone. It’s more complicated, sometimes it’s frustrating, sometimes things don’t work out and people get hurt, but to me, it’s still worth it.” Leonard glanced at Jim.

               “Why?”

               “Because the world is more beautiful when you share it with someone you care about.” Leonard replied warmly. “And to me, that is worth the risk.”

               Jim was quiet for another long stretch of time.

               “You loved Joce.” He said.

               “Very very much.” Leonard replied.

               “Okay.” Jim said, and then pointed to the next reststop sign. “We should pull off. I have to pee.”

 

 

               They entered New Mexico as the afternoon was coming to a head. The five o’clock heat permeated everything. The AC couldn’t seem to stave off the dry, all consuming vacuum of the desert. Jim was fanning himself with the refolded map, and had his face plastered to the window as large, sandstone structures became the focus of the drive. The landscape seemed to have been carved out of the stone itself. Rich reds, oranges and browns made up the strangely shaped pillars and hallowed bends in the rock. Orange dust was kicked up by the Truck’s tires as they rattled down the freeway.

               “It’s amazing that the wind can do that.” Jim said as they passed an archway smoothed by ages of sand and wind rubbing it down.

               “I know. There are whole canyons cut like this, the sand and the dry heat. It creates a sort of wild art.” Leonard said as he pulled off on their exit.

               The curved down into the city from the off-ramp. In the distance buildings rose up from the dust of the plateau. They looked so misplaced in the backdrop of wild desert. It was amazing to think anyone was able to look at the dust and sand and think to build anything out there. The green of trees as a sharp and foreign contrast to the golds and reds.

               They pulled into the parking lot of a Holiday Inn Express near the freeway and Leonard threw the truck into park, letting out a low groan. His lower back was on fire and his shoulders felt like cement.

               “Guuuuwah?” Jim imitated the dying sound Leonard had made. “don’t tell me you’re already dead. We still have a full day and a half to go.” He threw his door open and stepped out.

               “I’m just glad you’re driving tomorrow.” Leonard replied, also clambering out of the truck. The heat hit him like a brick to the face and he licked his dry lips. He was so used to humidity that the lack of it made him feel as dry as the truck’s old leather seats.

               “It’s _hot_!” Jim groaned, stretching out his long limbs against the cramps of the drive.

               “It’s the desert.” Leonard replied with a smirk. “I’ll go check us in.”

 

               After some juggling, they had the cooler, their duffels and their sweat soaked bodies in the hotel room.  The cool of the space felt so good on Leonard’s skin it made him shiver. He was thinking about laying out on the bed, but suddenly Jim was all movement. He had thrown himself at his duffle, unzipping it with vigor. After some rummaging and the expulsion of several pairs of boxers, he ripped free the prize of his search. A pair of gold swimtrunks. “Ahah!”

               “How do you have so much energy?” Leonard sat on the corner of the bed.

               “I’ve been shut up in a small space all day. I need to move.” Jim was already wriggling out of his shirt, discarding it unceremoniously on the floor beside his duffle.

               Leonard stared at him, and then watched as the jeans also hit the floor. He realized Jim had ever intention of just stripping bare in front of him and his ears went red. He jerked to his feet, turning his back to bend over his own duffle.

               “You better be putting on trunks, Bones.” Jim threatened.

               “You had better be putting on yours, you nudist.” Leonard muttered, his face still burning. He fished his own trunks out and chanced a glance at Jim, who was indeed now in his trunks. His bare chest was like an unprotected white beacon. Leonard bent again and dug out the bottle of sunblock he’d packed, handing it to Jim. “Because I know you didn’t bring any and driving or being in the car with a sunburn isn’t something I am keen on experiencing with you.”

               “I don’t burn!” Jim retorted, but took the bottle and popped the cap.

               “Yes you do. I watched you do it spring break.” Leonard stalked to the bathroom. “Don’t forget your ears.”

               “Alright, mom.” Jim replied cheerfully.

               Leonard stripped down in the privacy of the bathroom, his own blue shorts still had the store tag on them. He’d bought them a few months before thinking they might be nice for the dormitory pool. And then he remembered how awkward he felt at the community pool. Everyone was four or five years younger than him. He had stuck the trunks in his drawer and virtually forgotten about them. He glanced at himself in the mirror.

               His hair was mused from a day with the AC blowing at his face. He was grateful he’d let Jim drag him to workout sessions that semester. He’d toned up and looked almost put together. Something he hadn’t felt in a long time.

               “Hey! Hurry it up! I gotta piss!” Jim knocked on the door. Leonard snatched his clothes from the floor and opened the door. Jim scooted in around him. “Nice trunks!”

               “Thanks.” Leonard mumbled, dropping his clothes into the mesh sack they’d brought for laundry.

               The walk to the pool was uneventful. The hotel seemed practically empty and the encountered no one as the road the elevator down and walked through the hall that led to the pool’s entrance.

               Leonard slid the card over the reader and opened the door for Jim, who hissed as the heat from outside smacked him in the face.

               “It’s so different. It’s like standing in front of a fire.” Jim walked in front of Leonard out onto the patio. The pool was large and shaded by palms planted in a strategic ring around the deck.

               “Dry heat.” Leonard nodded, setting his towel a chair and kicking off his sandals. He had a pair of shades on, which were attempting to slid down his now sweaty nose. Jim wasn’t waring anything to protect his feet from the molten pavement. He flashed Leonard a cheeky grin and then flung himself into the pool. Leonard was sprayed with a large amount of cold water. He sputtered and pulled off his now dripping sunglasses. “Really!?”

               “C’mon, Bones! The water feels great!” Jim shook out his hair and then leaned back, making himself float for a moment before he flailed to keep from getting a face full of pool water.

               Leonard wondered sometimes if Jim was some strange hybrid of twenty-three-year-old man, and seven-year-old boy. He spent so much of his time running full tilt at whatever it was he was doing, Leonard couldn’t help but wonder there was an ounce of self-restraint floating around anywhere in James Kirk’s head. Probably not.

               Leonard set his shades on his towel, and then walked up to the edge of the pool, looking down at Jim Kirk.

               “Jump-Jump-Jump!” Jim chanted, only his head out of the water, and a ridiculous grin on his dripping face.

               “Jump on you? Okay. That seems reasonable.” Leonard smirked, and then leaped in after Jim, who let out a yelp of surprise and attempted to get out of the way.

               The result was a large amount of splashing. Leonard dove under water and snatched at Jim’s ankle, pulling him under, where they both became a tangle of limbs before resurfacing.

               “Cheater! Cheater! Cheater! you can swim with your eyes open!” Jim pointed and accusing finger at Leonard, who chuckled.

               “Pros of being a mutated swamp child.” He smoothed his wet hair back from his face. His jaw was heavily stubbled from missing a shave that morning, and he could feel beads of water clinging to his cheeks.

               Jim was doing his best to knock water out of his ear and he shot Leonard a mock-angry face, a smile barely suppressed. “I’ll just have to enact my revenge on you and your mutated freaky eyeballs.”

               “Oh no. Whatever will I do.” Leonard drawled, and then braced himself for impact as Jim gave him a solid side tackle.

               The reckless rough-housing subsided, and the two men ended up lounging against the side of the pool, arms up on the edges as a brace. The cool water was a hard contrast to the heat pressing around their faces.

               “So, what do you want to do for dinner?” Jim asked, humming.

               “I was thinking about order pizza. Nice and simple, and knowing you. No leftovers to worry about packing.” Leonard yawned and stretched. His shoulders popped and he screwed his face up. “I’m getting old.”

               “You are. Old man.” Jim snorted and nudged Leonard with his elbow. “Pizza sounds good.” He looked up at the sky. “This is the first time I’ve taken a trip without the soul purpose of getting wasted in a long ass time.”

               Leonard snorted. “Well, I will hardly be a judge on that one.” He pushed off the edge and dunked down into the water up to his chin. “Have you enjoyed it?”

               “So far? Yeah. Uhh, minus the bit where I puked Arizona. Sorry Arizona.” Jim kicked out a foot. “It’s nice. You’re a good traveling buddy.”

               “Thanks.” Leonard replied, his expression betraying his honest surprise. He was flattered to hear that. He figured he was a bit of a dour traveling companion most of the time. “When was the last trip you took?”

               “With my mom. When I was twelve. Before she stopped coming home.” Jim replied. An expression of pain ghosted across his face, but it was wrestled under control before Leonard could comment on it. “We just got in her car after a bad fight with my step-dad. We got in and we just drove. Across Iowa and through Nebraska until we got to Wyoming. We stayed a week in this hotel right outside a nature reserve and we spent the whole-time hiking and talking.” Jim sighed. “It was the closest I’d ever felt to her.”

               “What did you guys talk about?” Leonard asked. Curiosity welled in him as Jim spoke. It was rare for him to speak about anything that happened growing up. All Leonard really knew was that he’d left home at sixteen and lived on his own through highschool before just becoming a small-town delinquent. There were things he knew that Jim didn’t need to tell him. That the Kirk namesake held a heavy mantel. That his father was dead and that his mother, a famous Xenolinguist, opted to stay as far from earth as humanly possible at all times.

               “About my dad. About the future she wanted for me. About how she wanted to take me with her into space when I was old enough.” Jim’s expression slipped. The carefree air faltered and a heaviness washed over him that seemed to press down on everything around them. “She wanted to desperately to be free. To free us from him. From the pain. She was the one who taught me that you’re better off on your own, than tied down to someone else.”

               “Jim…” Leonard frowned, unsure of what to say to something to deeply pained and bleak.

               “Don’t.” Jim shook his head. “It’s what it is. You know?” He shrugged and lifted himself from the water to sit on the edge, swinging his feet.

               “Well…it still is shitty.” Leonard replied, copying Jim to sit on the pool’s edge. “Do you talk to her?”

               “Now? Not really. She’s tried to call a few times. Sends letters and birthday gifts…but I just…it’s a little late. You know? A little late to try and rebuild something she left behind. I get it. I get why she left. What I don’t get is why she left _me_.”

               “I…” Leonard had been about to say he wasn’t sure. Until he realized that he did understand. He completely understood, and a gripping wash of shame clenched up under his breastbone. “I bet she was in a place so low she believed you would be better off without her.”

               Jim’s head jerked up, and a look of painful understanding flickered acrossed his face as their gazes met. Jim nodded slowly.

               “It’s hard to be there for anyone, when you don’t even know how to be there for yourself anymore.” Leonard said softly. “It’s bullshit. Self-pitying crap, but it’s powerful. Hating yourself is a powerful kind of poison.”

               “I never thought about it like that.” Jim replied, his tone not heavy, but thoughtful. “I’m guessing that’s how you felt when you left.”

               “Exactly. I genuinely couldn’t see how Joanna’s life would be better with me in it.” Leonard cleared his throat as it constricted. “Parents will do weird ass shit when their kids are involved. When they think they are protecting them.”

               “I guess that’s true. Maybe she was protecting me from herself.” Jim said quietly.

               “I would guess that is probably pretty on the nose.” Leonard replied in just as soft a tone.

 

 

               The next morning dawned bright and clear on Leonard and Jim as they woke, dressed and reloaded the truck. The intense heat had been replaced with aching, bone deep cold that had Leonard fishing out his leather jacket from the back before they loaded in.

               “Man—this desert needs to make It’s fucking mind up!” Jim spat as he climbed into the driver’s seat. Leonard shivered and curled his fingers around the cup of steaming coffee in his hands.

               “Agreed. I forgot how cold it gets at night.” He snorted as Jim backed them out of the hotel parking lot.

               “Alighty, Memphis! Here we come!” He roared the engine as they glided up onto the main road.

               “Whoah—” Leonard held his coffee carefully and glared at Jim. “You promised not to drive like a madman. If you start, I’m knocking myself out.”

               “No. Nono don’t do that.” Jim slowed to a slightly more acceptable variety of speeding. “Don’t leave me alone.”

               “Don’t drive like a maniac and I won’t. I will not, however, spend the whole day sick to my stomach because you have a bad case of the Fast and the Furious.”

               “Fiiiiine.” Jim sighed and set the cruise control as they merged onto the freeway. “No crazy. I promise.”

               “Thank you.” Leonard sipped his coffee and glanced out the windshield. There wasn’t much traffic so early in the morning, which made for a lovely view of the mountains rising in the distance over the freeway.

               “So. Why did you and Joce split?” Jim asked. Leonard choked on his coffee and nearly sprayed it on the windshield. “Please don’t coat the cab with coffee. Pike will murder me.”  
               “Your fault-“ Leonard coughed, trying to free his lungs of Seattle’s Best. Not the best, in his opinion. But the cheapest.

               “So? C’mon. Yesterday you gave me this great big anecdote about how much you love Joce, how you were meant to be, and then the shit in the pool last night. How did everything go so…well, how did it get so fucked up?”

               It was a fair question. How _had_ it gotten so fucked up? Honestly, it was fucked up from the start. He had just been too complacent to notice. Too unwilling to see the problems. And then they had Joanna, and he wanted to believe that would fix everything, that she would be the uniting factor in their lives, but she wasn’t.

               “Bones?” Jim’s voice cut through his thoughts, and he shook his head. “You okay?”

               “Yeah, sorry. Well…it’s complicated.” Leonard set his cup down in the holder and let out a steady breath. He caught Jim glancing at him uncertainly.

               “Sorry. I didn’t mean to…I’m sorry.” He tried, but Leonard shook his head.

               “Don’t be. Weirdly, with you, it’s okay.” Leonard looked out the window. “The truth is, I always knew something wasn’t quite right, but I couldn’t ever put a finger on it. I was content, and happy, and I knew who I was…but I don’t think Jocelyn did. From the start we fought a lot. I didn’t understand why we spiraled, it was always over something small. Something so insignificant. Joce would get upset and say things like I wasn’t emotionally available. That I needed to be there more. There was jealousy. Not the ‘steal your phone and read it’ kind. The shifty side-eyes when I was with other people. I got nervous talking to people, even people I’d known a long time. I had to justify why I was talking to them.” Leonard took in a shaky breath.

               “About three months into dating, Joce started asking about sex. I wasn’t really sure. I’d been with other men before, but my first experience intimately wasn’t exactly wonderful. I didn’t really think I was ready. He pushed, said it meant we loved each other, said that it was what people in love did. I wanted him to be happy. So began a cycle. Every time we went out, there was that expectation. It started to make me really fucked up. I started trying to avoid us being alone. Started trying to make it so that we were always with friends. And then we moved in together. We couldn’t do that anymore. I wanted him to be happy, so when he asked me to marry him I agreed because I really wanted to believe he loved me. I think in a way he did, but he didn’t love being with me, he loved having me. There was a difference.

               “I asked him, if we could focus on ourselves emotionally before the wedding. He didn’t like it, but he agreed. For a time things were really good. I felt safe, like we were moving somewhere. There were still weird things though. He’d break down without warning. Get really angry or lose his temper with things. Let me make this clear. He never hit me. He never broke things. It was all passive. I’d ask what was wrong, we’d fight, and then it would blow over.”

               “That sounds like self esteem issues on his end.” Jim said quietly. Knowingly.

               “Exactly. Well, the day came, and we were married. Our careers were blossoming, and we had a beautiful house. And then, a month and a half after the wedding, we were laying in bed, and he wanted to…to have sex. I said no, that I wasn’t really in the mood. He climbed on top of me and said he’d listen. That he wouldn’t do anything I said no to. But I’d already said no. He started doing shit, I tried to say no with every part of my person, and he didn’t listen. He stopped before he got farther than kissing, but I felt…wrong.” Leonard breathed out. “Thats when it started slipping.”

               “It was this time when I brought up having Joanna.” Leonard breathed out. “I wanted a baby. Wanted a family. We were financially stable and he agreed. His sister was our surrogate and we used my sperm and suddenly we were a family of three. But he wasn’t happy. He was withdrawn and emotionally unavailable. He was impatient with Joanna. Never mean, just frustrated.

               “And then one night, Joanna was eighteen months old. She’d just gone down for the night, and we were laying there. He asked if we could have sex. At this point the topic held such a negative connotation for me that I never wanted it. Didn’t want to be touched. He did it again. Climbed on me. I told him no. He kept going. Finally I grabbed him and forced him off and he looked at me and asked if I loved him. If I loved him why wouldn’t I? Was it him? Was he bad? Was I not attracted to him? And I didn’t know what to say. I was so…hurt. The problem was that there was no love in those touches. Just want. Lust that I didn’t know what to do with. I wanted to be more than someone’s prize. I had come into this relationship wanting to build a world with someone, and had failed to see that the person I was with didn’t know how to stand on their own, and gained their self-worth and value by how other people viewed them and what he gained from that view. He was so busy judging himself and being worried about what other people thought of him, he didn’t have time to see what I thought, what he wanted to bring to our relationship.”

               Jim was perfectly quite next to Leonard while the older man took in a shuddering breath and ran a shaky hand through his hair. “What happened?” He finally asked.

               “I…we fell asleep. The next few days were fine. It seemed fine. We went about our daily lives. At work one day I was thinking maybe I’d try it. Maybe I was overthinking things, that I’d hurt him out of some negligence on my part and that I needed to do better. I dropped Joanna off with my mother, planning to go home and surprise Joce with a night to ourselves.

               “I got home early, thinking I’d set up something romantic for us before he got off work. When I pulled into the drive, his truck was there. I checked my phone, thinking he’d possibly come home sick, or something had allowed him to get off early. No texts. Not that he really texted me anymore. Our conversations had dwindled down to ‘please stop for milk’ or ‘good morning’. I got out of the car, and walked to the door. I tried the handle and it was locked. I knew he’d hear me if I unlocked it, so I went to the back door that connects to the laundry room. I always shut the door to keep Joanna out. The boiler is in there. He wouldn’t hear me open the door.

               “I slipped inside, went up the stairs and in my room, in my bed, was Joce. Joce and his work secretary. With her goddamn tits out, on my side of the bed, his face—well. I’m sure you get the fucking picture.”

               Leonard’s fingers spasmed into fists on his lap. “I was so fucking stupid. I just walked downstairs, went out. Sat on the front steps. He came down, sat next to me. And I just asked ‘how long?’. Because I just couldn’t think of anything else. A year. A fucking year. He tried some pathetic excuse about if I was going to refuse to put out he needed some sort of outlet. She loved him. Thought he was sexy. KNEW he was MARRIED-“ Leonard slammed his fist down on the dash, hissed, shook it out. Jim didn’t flinch, his lips were set in a tight line. “After that he talked about wanting an open relationship. I felt broken. When I wouldn’t agree, he came home with the divorce papers. And then I lost my job. I found out later it was thanks to the boss of my hospital being good friends with Joce. Without a job, I couldn’t fight for custody of Joanna. So…he got it all. The house. Joanna. I walked away with my personal savings account and no job. Got in my car, drove until it broke down in Iowa.”

               “Jesus fucking Christ.” Jim hissed.

               “Yeah.” Leonard rubbed the bridge of his nose, then noticed how tightly Jim was gripping the steering wheel. Leonard reached out and touched the white knuckles. “You promised me you wouldn’t murder anyone.”

               “I mean…. _christ_ , Bones.” Jim took in a breath, let it out slowly, and then chanced at a glance at Leonard. “And you still believe in love after that?”  
               “I sure do.” Leonard replied.

               “How?”

               “Because I know it’s something I haven’t found yet, and I still believe it’s something I want to share with someone else.”

 

               The next few hours passed in relative silence. Not uncomfortable silence, but the kind that meant both parties were thinking deeply about things.

               Leonard hadn’t really told anyone the whole story. Not even his dear mother, who had been absolutely devastated when her son had shown up on her porch with a packed bag. It felt clarifying, to say everything out loud and, for the very first time since the entire incident, not feel guilty.

               It felt even better to say out loud that he still believed that it was possible to find harmony with another person. He still believed that, and it healed something in him he didn’t realize he needed.

               “Thanks.” Leonard said at length, after they had gotten back in the car. A much needed reststop had pulled him from his deep thoughts.

               “What for?” Jim looked up, he still had a somber sort of expression on his face as he settled behind the wheel again.

               “For letting me talk. I’ve never really done that before.” Leonard rubbed the back of his neck. “And thanks for getting angry for me. It feels…good. Knowing you care that much.”

               “Oh-“ Jim replied, and Leonard had the privilege to see a rosy blush color Jim Kirk’s cheeks. “I mean, sure. I am glad you told me, and that you trust me enough to talk about it. That’s some really heavy shit.”

               Leonard nodded. He was surprised then, by Jim turning suddenly in his seat to face him. The intensity of those blue eyes was startling. “Bones.”

               “Y-yes?” Leonard sputtered the response.

               “I think you’re pretty amazing.” Jim replied, and then turned back to face the windshield, putting the truck into drive.

               Leonard’s heart was hammering. “Thank you? I don’t feel amazing..”

               “I don’t think to many people come out of that with their faith in humanity still intact.” Jim shrugged.

               “I…I don’t suppose so.” Leonard murmured. His eyes caught the horizon and his brow furrowed. “Something tells me we are about to be met with some weather.”

               Jim’s gaze followed to the horizon and he frowned. The dark thunderheads rolling in normally wouldn’t worry him. Only that they were now in Tornado territory, in May. “We should probably turn the radio and keep an ear out in case we need to pull off early.”

               “I agree. Those came in awfully quick.” Leonard reached for the radio dial at the same time Jim did and their fingers knocked gracelessly together. Jim snatched his hand back.

               “Sorry. Uh—aug that is some Static, I guess the stations probably have change three times since we left.” Jim wrinkled his nose as the static feedback filled the cab. Leonard scanned through the stations to an old county radio that was giving a news report on traffic.

               “Country huh?” Jim’s smirk was directed at the windshield, but Leonard didn’t miss it.

               “You bet your pretty little ass.” Leonard chuckled. He stretched and hummed.

               “Pretty huh? Well, I guess I keep stripping in front of you, so you’d know.” Jim cackled as he passed a small red car.

               “And you have a habit of stripping naked when you’re drunk.” Leonard pointed out, turning the radio up as the weather report started.

               “That is true.” Jim chuckled, but quieted to listen to the radio report as well.

               “ _…and some heavy thunderclouds have take up residence. According to the radar it looks like there is a solid chance for thunderstorms through the area. Keep off main roads and stay alert for the tornado warnings on your local news stations._ ”

               “Fabulous.” Jim said, his eyes holding something wild and fearful. Having grown up in the Midwest, Leonard knew that Jim had seen his share of devastation caused by destructive tunnel clouds. “Should we pull off early?”

               “No, we’re only an hour out to Memphis, that’s going to be the best bet. I don’t think there’s much more than a few small towns before we’re there.” Leonard shook his head. He watched Jim’s fingers flex anxiously on the wheel. He touched Jim’s arm. “We’ll be okay.”

 

               They made it to their hotel just as the rain started. They unloaded quickly as thick drops were heralded by the booming of thunder. Lightening cut the sky and flashed through the darkness caused by cloud cover.

               Just after slipping into their room, hail the size of quarters started slamming into their window.

               Jim pulled the curtain back and flinched as lightening forked across the clouds, followed by tooth rattling thunder. “Those are huge.” He looked at the hail piling below the window on the grass.

               “Yikes.” Leonard had come up behind Jim. He’d only been caught in Tornado weather once. His life had been more wrapped in the fear of hurricanes and flash flooding. The lightening flashed aggressively and Jim flinched away from the window just as the klaxon in their room started to chime.

               “ _Tornado Warning. All guests please follow the signs to the basement ballroom._ ” A loudspeaker issued the warning overhead. Jim flashed a panicked look at Leonard, who had grabbed the laptop bag with his important effects.

               “Don’t worry, I’m sure everything will be alright.” Leonard started, but the panic in Jim’s eyes was intense. He took a step forward and touched Jim’s tensed, muscles arm. “Let’s go down together.”

               Jim said nothing, just nodded. His fingers spasmed out at the next roll of thunder, catching Leonard’s wrist. He took Jim’s hand gently and led him from the room. They followed the signs down the hall to a flight of stairs.

               The stairs let out onto a huge ballroom with glass chandeliers overhead. Several large projector screens were set up permanently on either wall, and a stage headed the room. The chairs and tables were all stacked to one side of the room. There were a handful of people already sheltered in the basement, and behind them a few more were wandering down. It was early enough in the evening that people hadn’t started checking in yet, Leonard realized.

               “You okay?” He asked, when they had slid down the wall at the far end of the room, away from the other people. Jim pressed his face into his hands and let out a long, shaky breath.

               “No. But I will be.” Jim glanced up at Leonard, his expression raw and vulnerable. “Sorry.”

               “For what?” Leonard blinked. “Being afraid is human.”

               “Yeah, but a grown man afraid of a little wind is probably stupid.” Jim muttered.

               “Hardly. Shit’s fierce out there. What freaks you out about it?” Leonard leaned his shoulder against the wall as he turned to better face Jim.

               “Once when I was thirteen my step-dad threw me out. Tornado warning hit. I had to sit through the whole thing in my dad’s old convertible in the shed. I thought I was going to die.” Jim was shaking as he spoke. Leonard reached out and touched his knee.

               “You didn’t though.” He pointed out. Jim laughed.

               “I didn’t, and I was damn lucky. Funnel sucked the damn roof off the shed. It was the convertible top that kept me from going up with it. Haven’t really cared for weathering storms like that since.”

               “That’s fair.” Leonard nodded. “But we’re pretty safe with a whole building on top of us.” Leonard reached into his bag. “How about we play a game of cards while we wait.”

               “You brought cards?” Jim asked, sounding both impressed and mildly hysterical.

               “I always have cards. Now, what are you betting, Mr. Kirk?”


	2. PeachPit Lane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Returning to Georgia heralds surprises that Leonard McCoy could scarcely imagine.

               The storm ebbed away as the night grew dark and quiet. The guests were released from the safety of the ballroom. Jim and Leonard made their way back to their room where they gave in to ordering room service grilled cheeses. Both of them casually overlooked the alcohol menu and opted for cokes in icy glass bottles.

               When the lights went out, Leonard lay in his bed, his eyes fixed on the dark ceiling. The bed was so foreign, and despite his exhaustion from the day’s events, his mind was completely awake.

               He shifted his feet under the blankets, looking for the cool space they hadn’t yet touched. Across the room he could hear Jim’s breathing slowly slipping into the lull of sleep. He glanced at the drapes, pulled closed against the turbulent sky outside. Tomorrow they would be in Georgia. Tomorrow they would be back to a place he was convinced he’d never return.

               What would Joce think when they showed up? Should he message him? Reach out to Lily-Anne and let her know they were coming. Maybe he would message her before they got on the road the following day. He shifted again, his body echoing the restlessness of his mind. He closed his eyes. What would Joanna think, him showing up after a year and a half? Would she even know who he was? He hadn’t even seen pictures of her. Joce didn’t put any up.

               As a matter of fact, the fact that Joce hadn’t updated anything at all on social media was making him nervous. Lily-Anne had texted him a few times, reached out by phone twice, but he hadn’t answered. He was afraid too. His mother had said some concerning things the last time they had spoken, about not seeing Joce around town in a while. Maybe they had moved?

               Leonard extracted his hands from the blankets and pressed his palms against his face, breathing out. What was he even doing here? What had he been thinking, letting Jim drag him across the southern United States to pull this stunt?

               He rolled and smashed his face into his pillow. He needed to sleep. He needed to quiet his mind, tomorrow would take everything he had, all the reserves he hadn’t yet rebuilt from the months of drinking following his leaving Georgia. He needed to prove to himself he could still have it together. He needed to know he was strong enough.

 

               “Bones—Bones c’mon. We need to get moving.”

               Leonard groaned at the finger poking him in the ribs. He rolled over to see James Kirk an inch from his face. He made a startled noise and jerked back.

               “Morning! I went to the lobby and got you a coffee. I heard you tossing and turning, thought you might need a few more minutes to just zonk.” Jim grinned pleasantly. All his anxiety from the previous night seemed to have melted away. He held out a Starbucks cup to Leonard, who extracted himself from the blankets to take it. The smell of it rattled the sleep out of his brain, but didn’t quiet mend the grogginess from a poor night’s sleep.

               “Thanks, Jim. Sorry…I slept right through the alarm…” Leonard pulled his phone out to look at it.

               “Sure did. You okay?” Jim settled himself on the corner of the bed and tucked his legs up under himself, drinking his coffee.

               “Yeah…just couldn’t fall asleep last night.” Leonard cringed as he tried to run a hand down his face and three days of beard scrubbed his palm. He’d need to shave this morning so he didn’t look like a drunken hobo. He’d rocked the style plenty in his life at this point.

               “Nervous?” Jim frowned, eyeing Leonard worriedly.

               “Absolutely terrified.” Leonard nodded, and opened the texts in his phone. Tapping the ‘New Message’ and populating Lily-Anne’s number. He tapped out that he would be in town and would she like him to come by.

               “Who you texting?” Jim cocked his head, not commenting on the confirmation of fear from the rattled doctor.

               “My ex sister in law. It’s weird…I should probably have texted her before we left. We haven’t really spoken since I left. I mean, she tried too, but I wasn’t really in a headspace to let her in.” Leonard shuffled the blankets off his legs and inched to the edge of the bed.

               “Was she your surrogate?” Jim asked. Leonard nodded.

               “That’s the one. We were pretty close. She was one of my best friends.” Leonard stood and made his way stiffly to the duffle on the floor. He tugged out a clean Polo T-shirt and slacks. Nice clothes. “Gonna shower and shave.” He said.

               “Cool. I’ll start loading up.” Jim said brightly, but as he stood and passed Leonard, he paused to squeeze Leonard’s shoulder. “It’s going to be okay, Bones.”

               “Thanks.” Leonard said, then vanished into the bathroom.

 

               It was only a few hours of driving before things started to look painfully familiar to Leonard. He was again in the driver’s seat, his face set in a painfully grim expression.

               Just before leaving the hotel, he’d gotten a text back from Lily-Anne. The contents had left him feelings painfully unnerved. ‘Come to my house first. Please, Len.’

               He’d confirmed that they would, and the closer to Atlanta the got, the more his stomach started to twist like a worm washed out of the soil after a storm.

               “Bones, you’re strangling the steering wheel.” Jim said in a cautious tone. Leonard jerked and looked at Jim a little wildly. “You sure you don’t want me to drive?”

               “No. No-I need to do this. For my own sanity. This gives me something to do.” He felt queasy, like his insides wanted to hit a fear eject button out of his esophagus.

               Jim reached out and touched Leonard’s wrist. “I swear, it’s going to be fine. I’m here with you, and it sounds like your sister is excited to see you.”

               Leonard noticed that Jim didn’t try to amend the legally broken relationship. Hearing Jim confirm a deep wish in words outside his own head made him feel a little better. He swallowed hard and tried to ease his death grip on the wheel.

               “Sorry. I’m just…this whole thing…I thought I’d be a little more…put together.” Leonard shrugged helplessly.

               “I think you are doing a damn admirable job of being put together.” Jim chuckled. “If I were in your shoes, I’d would’ve punched me in the face before we even left San Francisco.”

               “I wouldn’t punch you.” Leonard’s tone softened unexpectedly and Jim glanced at him, his eyebrows nearly at his hairline.

               “Really? Because I thought I annoyed the shit out of you.” Jim muttered. His cheeks had tinged red.

               “You do.” Leonard snorted. “Every damn day. But, it’s one of your many charms. I’m sure it’ll make you an excellent captain one day.” This compliment gave Leonard the satisfaction of watching the soft blush turn to a heated red that wrapped around to the back of Jim’s neck as he made a sputtering noise.

               “That’s a long way off if it ever happens, Bones.” Jim muttered.

               “It’ll happen.” Leonard replied.

               They had driven past the city’s primary exits and got off further out, where things were more rural. The humidity was again present, but in the thick and heavy way that was so different than California. Muggy and swampy.

               The truck rattled down a poorly paved road and Leonard was surprised to feel autopilot kicking in. He knew these roads better than anywhere else in the world. Lily-Anne lived just a few blocks down from where Leonard himself had grown up.

               They turned on a small side street, the sign was well weathered and read ‘peachpit lane’. The houses were small and spread apart, patch-worked with pasture supporting a menagerie of horses, cows and goats. They trundled up to a big, yellow plantation house. The beautiful white fence had been recently repainted. In the fields stretching out beside and behind the house, horses grazed peacefully.

               “Lily-Anne raises horses and teaches lessons.” Leonard explain as he turned off the ignition. Jim was staring at the horses.

               “It’s so green here.” He mused, unbuckling his belt.

               “It’s all the rain this time of year. Makes it so your clothes never fucking dry.” Leonard replied, sliding out of the truck. He felt his heart hammering in his chest. He felt bile attempting to rise and he swallowed hard. “Alright…let’s do this.”

               They walked up the drive, and the little path that led to the front door. Before he could knock on the door, it was flung open. A little boy was standing there, probably about eight years old, and he flung himself at Leonard.

               “Uncle Len!” The boy cried. Leonard’s expression twisted into something between happiness and extreme guilt as he bent to hug the boy.

               “Howdy there, David. You’re getting’ awfully big.” He said gruffly. The boy was still clinging to him fervently.

               “Where have you been?!” David finally yanked back, giving Leonard a fierce look. Leonard felt another wave of guilt crash over him.

               “It’s been a complicated year, son.” Leonard replied in way of explanation. David’s next words of complaint were cut off as a beautiful woman came down the stairs. In her arms, a baby was wrapped and clinging to her blouse.

               “Len-“ She choked, her eyes filling with tears.

               “Lily.” Leonard saw the baby and his eyes filled with tears. “I’m so sorry-“

               Jim shifted next to Leonard watching the reunion with wide blue eyes as Lily-Anne wrapped Leonard in a strong hug, baby and all. She pressed her face to his neck and Leonard felt her breath hot against his skin as a sob hiccuped through her. She tugged back and wiped at her eyes.

               “I’m so glad you’re okay.” She said shakily. She looked to Jim and gave him a warm smile. “And you must be the Jim Len mentioned.”

               “James Kirk. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Jim said, shaking the hand she offered.

               “Come in, both of you. David, will you tell your father Uncle Len’s here?” Lily asked the boy, who nodded and bounded back through the house towards the back door.

               Leonard and Jim followed Lily-Anne into the house. The familiar warmth of the home washed over Leonard, filling him with a mix of emotions he wasn’t sure how to process. When he saw the pictures of himself holding baby Joanna he had to smother a choked sound behind a hand. Jim’s hand appeared at his shoulder.

               “Sorry-“ He said roughly. Jim shook his head, though his eyes were on the picture.

               “She has your nose.” He said, his tone mesmerized.

               “She does.” Lily-Anne said softly. “And his temper.”

               Leonard looked up at Lily-Anne questioningly, and she smiled. He again found himself looking at the tiny baby in Lily’s arms.

               “Her name is Sarah.” Lily smiled. “You wanna hold her, uncle?”

               Leonard nodded, still unable to process his emotions as Lily-Anne settled the little, squirming bundle in his arms. “She’s beautiful, Lily.”

               “Thank you.” Lily-Anne said softly. “I was hoping you’d call. I…it’s…things have been rough here.”

               “Rough How?” Leonard asked, but was cut off when a man the size of a small house came through the back door.

               “Leonard!” The man boomed. He had a thick black beard, his chocolate skin emphasizing sparkling hazel eyes. He strode right up to Leonard and pulled him into a huge hug. Leonard was by no means a small man, but he seemed to vanish into powerful arms.

               “Cole!” Leonard squeaked. “Careful, I have Sarah!”

               “I see that!” Cole boomed. He then released Leonard and looked at Jim, who’s eyeballs were the size of plates. “Well hello! I’m Cole Brookham!” He shoved a massive hand at Jim, who took it and gave it a wobbly shake.

               “James Kirk. Um.” Jim just kept taking the man in and Leonard laughed.

               “Don’t worry, Jim. He has that effect on everyone.” Leonard looked between Cole and Lily-Anne. “I’m sorry. I know it was really short notice.”

               “Don’t be sorry.” Lily-Anne said quickly. Cole shook his head, his expression one of intense worry.

               “So you heard?” He asked.

               “Heard what?” Leonard replied, his tone dropping down to something guarded and careful. Cole and Lily-Anne exchanged glances and she moved in to take Sarah back.

               “Let’s talk on the porch.” She said quietly. Leonard’s stomach sank even lower.

               If she wanted him to sit, then whatever it was he needed to hear couldn’t be good.

 

               Lily-Anne had Leonard and Jim settle on the porch swing as Cole took one of the Patio chairs. She handed Cole baby Sarah and then sat in the other chair after dragging in in front of the swing. Leonard and Jim were a little big to both sit on the swing. Their thighs were pressed together, and the only thing that Leonard could think about was that the last time he’d sat so close to someone, or on this same swing, it had been Joce whose warmth was mingling with his.

               “So…where have you been, Len?” Lily-Anne asked finally, her brilliant green eyes searching his face. He sighed.

               “Starfleet. I’m finishing the Senior Medical Officer training.” He said s. Lily-Anne’s expression shifted to pride and Leonard felt his face heat.

               “Starfleet? Fuck. That’s amazing!” She grinned. “I had no idea, but you are definitely more than smart enough.”

               “T-thank you-“ Leonard felt suddenly embarrassed. “I thought it would be a good change of pace. I needed something to rebuild on.”

               “That’s a good way to do it. So you’re in California?” She asked, and Leonard could see she was gaging his mental state before whatever the Big Thing was came up.

               “Yeah. I live in the apartments in the dorming area for the older officers. Jim and I met when we enlisted. It was his idea to road trip down here.” Leonard nudged Jim’s shoulder.

               “So how long have you two been dating?” Cole asked, his eyes still glued to Sarah’s tiny, sleeping face.

               “Oh-“ Leonard’s whole face went bright red. “W-we aren’t. We—um. It’s not—”

               “Ah-“ Jim made the noise and brought his hands up, no less red than Leonard. “No. I’d drive him to an early grave. He tells me that enough.” He sputtered. Cole just looked up at them and lifted an eyebrow.

               “So…what brought you down here?” Lily-Anne’s expression became more serious, and Leonard felt the tingling of fear at the back of his neck.

               “We…I….I needed to come back.” Leonard said quietly. “I’ve been running for too long. I…I know Joce and I agreed that it would be better if I kept my distance, but it just doesn’t feel right.”

               Cole and Lily-Anne exchanged a look and Leonard’s eyes narrowed.

               “What’s happened.” It wasn’t a question. His fingers clenched into the fabric of his slacks.

               “Joce has gotten into trouble.” Lily-Anne said quietly. “It started a few months back. He just stopped coming home after work. He would just show up and leave Joanna here and vanish for days on end.” She glanced at Cole. “We started getting worried, and when we went by the house, it was a disaster. No food, Mess everywhere. Apparently that girl he got caught up with started living there…”

               Leonard’s blood pressure was slamming around in his ears, trying to drown out the words. His daughter, who the court ruled he was unfit to parent, stuck in such a place.

               “Bones-“ Jim’s hand was on his wrist and it pulled him out of the dark hole that was attempting to swallow him up.

               “Len…I wanted to tell you sooner. Joanna’s going to become a ward of the state. Joce is into something bad. Cocaine probably. He lost his job at the clinic. I wanted to get ahold of you, but…if you didn’t I was going to try to get custody of her.” Lily-Anne reached out and took Leonard’s hands, covering his with her own. “And it sounds like you are stable. You could take her with you. She needs you.”

               “I can’t believe I left her.” Leonard’s voice twisted with the pain of the self-loathing that was washing over him, wave after wave of anger and hatred.

               “Joce has a warrant out for his arrest. We’ve been waiting for him to get pulled over, or to just end up in the wrong place at the wrong time. Once he’s arrested she’ll be taken by social services. If she were in school, it would have happened already. I was planning on going over there today. The last two times I went he wasn’t there and neither was Joanna.”

               “And what about Kerri-Jo?” Leonard asked. His voice was sour with anger.

               “I don’t know. I think she was arrested last weekend for a DUI and then got slammed for possession. So unless someone posted bail.” Lily-Anne shook her head. “It’s been a mess. I think Joce is trying to run. But his car was in the drive when Cole drove by yesterday.”

               Leonard was on his feet. He couldn’t stay sitting. Couldn’t hold still. Joce using? That seemed impossible. How could something like that happen? Had he been using when they’d been together? Leonard didn’t even know what to look for. What it would look like. It was possible. It would explain the moodiness that had grown increasingly since Joanna’s birth. He’d been so preoccupied with being a dad he hadn’t really paid attention.

               “Fuck!” He slammed his fist into one of the support beams on the porch. It did nothing more than shudder and he hissed as he shook his hand out. “Fuck—fucking—” He leaned heavily against the pole and covered his face with a hand as a shudder ran through him. The burn of tears stung his eyes and the wetness started over his cheeks before he could control it.

               A hand settled gently on his arm and he choked out a sob. He was reeled into a hug, his forehead pressed to a strong shoulder and the spicy scent of Jim’s aftershave filled his nose. He leaned into the steady, grounding presence of the other man.

               “We’ll go together.” Jim’s voice was low in his ear. Leonard could hear the barely controlled anger in Jim’s tone and he knew then that this wasn’t just his way of being supportive. This was personal. Jim had been in the same place Joanna was now. He wouldn’t let what happened to Jim happen to Joanna. He wouldn’t.

               Leonard curled into Jim and tried to block out the world.

 

 

               “I’m sorry you had to find out like this.” Lily-Anne said as she opened the front door to let them out. “You’re more than welcome to come back here after. It might be safer. Joce is terrified of Cole.”

               “It’s okay. I’d rather hear it from you than from a court document.” Leonard croaked. He felt shaky still, even after an hour to calm down and some tea. His eyes were raw and painful. “I’m sorry I didn’t answer you sooner.”

               “It’s okay. I’m just glad it was because you were getting your life together and not because you were in a back-alley somewhere. I’m so glad you are okay, Len. I’ve been so worried.” Lily-Anne leaned in to hug him again. He gave her a squeeze back.

               “Thank you. I’m really embarrassed…I guess I thought…I thought that you wouldn’t want to talk to me.” He said quietly. “And now I see how stupid that was.”

               “Not stupid.” Lily-Anne shook her head. “Your life was shattered. It’s normal to want to get away from it.” She looked at Jim. “You take good care of him.”

               “Yes Ma’am.” Jim gave her a crisp salute and she smiled. “I won’t let him break any noses. I’ll do that for him.”

               “We aren’t going to break noses.” Leonard replied. “Murder maybe. A bit more effective than disfigurement.”

               “Leonard-“ Lily-Anne said sharply, and he rubbed the back of his neck.

“I’ll text you when we are on our way back. Let’s hope he has Joanna.” He replied instead.

 

               He and Jim walked back to the car. Jim wordlessly went for the driver’s side, and Leonard didn’t argue. He silently settled into the passenger’s seat.

               Jim started the truck and looked at Leonard with a sort of serious gravity that he wasn’t used too. “How do you want to do this?”

               “We’ll pull up to the house. I still have a key to the back door. I think we should just go in. Technically…I still own part of the house. That part of the divorce never settled. He never paid me settlement for my portion. So it’s not breaking and entering.”

               “Alrighty. So we go in, we locate Joanna, gather up what we can for her, and then we book it.” Jim nodded. “And what happens if we run into Joce?”  

               “We leave. And if he starts anything, we call the police.” Leonard replied. “There is nothing at all that is worth fighting him over. We get Joanna, and then we leave.”

               “Understood.” Jim whispered, and he put the truck into drive.


	3. Broken Bones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are something things that are broken. Surprisingly, they aren't broken Bones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **IMPORTANT WARNING**
> 
> This chapter contains description of narcotic drug abuse. This information is based in experiences from my own childhood and could be considered trigger inducing. The content in this chapter is not intended to be plot fodder, but to illustrate the destructive nature of addiction.

               Leonard’s old house was thirty minutes away. As Jim drove, the land between dwellings grew larger and larger. The houses were old, and large, with extended decks and enclosed porches. The road was virtually empty of any other travelers.

               When they reached a dirt road turn off, Leonard pointed to it. “There.”

               “Sweet Orchard Ranch.” Jim read the name from the gate arch that framed the dirt road. He turned carefully onto the drive. Leonard nodded and pointed to the expanse of peach trees that extended up the land and out of sight.

               “Six acres of peaches. We would do a pay to pick each season.” Leonard explained. He caught Jim’s arm. “Do you see that shed? Pull off there. We’ll walk up the back so he doesn’t see us.”

               “That’ll give us a harder escape.” Jim scowled, but Leonard shook his head.

               “No, we can park facing the exit. It’s almost impossible to turn a truck this big around easily further up. We’re better off parking down here.”

               “That makes sense.” Jim nodded. Leonard could see the tendons in Jim’s neck contracting. The line of his shoulders was tense with restrained nervousness. Leonard felt the same way. Coiled and defensive. Terrified.

               The got out of the truck and Leonard led the way to a path that wove through the grove of short, thickly leafed trees. The bows were heavy with sweet smelling blossoms. His head spun with memories. The land seemed both unknown and entirely too familiar. Like he was walking through a picture instead of a tangible place.

               “Are you sure he didn’t hear us?” Jim asked in a hushed tone as they walked down the path running through the rows of trees.

               “It’d be impossible too. The trees block out the sounds further down the road. We never bothered to put security cameras up. We know everyone within fifty miles of here.” Leonard stepped over a pile of branches that had come down at some point earlier in the spring. No one had been keeping the orchard. That was for sure.

               Finally, they came to a stop as a large, old house become visible through the shifting branches. Even though it wasn’t terribly hot, sweat was beading on Leonard’s face and neck as he looked through the foliage.

               “It’s a beautiful house.” Jim whispered, jarring Leonard. He had been thinking the opposite. It had been beautiful when he lived there, but now the bushes and grass had been left to grow unchecked, creating a wild sort of mess around the porch. Weeds were thick in the drive and climbing up the faded blue paneling of the house. He glanced to the right. Sure enough, Joce’s red Ford was parked in the drive. He was startled to see the large crack in the windshield. The left headlight was smashed to oblivion. He sucked in a breath.

               “So he is here.” Jim said.

               “Potentially. He may have left the car and called someone else to come get him.” Leonard was shaking. His hands were wet with sweat and he rubbed them on his now dirty slacks.

               Joanna could be in there. Could be stuck in that house with a man who had clearly lost his grip on life. A man who had claimed to be her father.

               “Follow me.” Leonard said, his voice was low and firm. Jim didn’t respond, but followed silently as they broke through the trees.

               They shifted through the grass, around to a back-patio deck that was covered in a thick layer of overgrowth. It was obvious that no one had used the entrance in a long time. Leonard dug out his keyring, bringing up a key decorated with pink peaches. He put his weight tentatively on the porch, waiting for any noise, then climbed to the door, putting the key in the lock.

               There was the satisfying ‘snick’ of the deadbolt sliding back, and Leonard turned the handle, pulling the door back soundlessly. Jim caught it, and they both stepped into the darkness of the mudroom.

               Leonard pulled out his phone, tapping the flashlight and illuminating the space. There was another door pulled closed across the space. A washer, dryer and a large sink, as well as a toilet. Jim arched an eyebrow at the half bathroom and Leonard shrugged. There was also a strange smell. Likely from the mounds of abandoned clothes. Leonard stepped closer to see bags of trash tied off and abandoned by the dryer. He wrinkled his nose. He stopped short as he looked at a pile of clothes. Little girl clothes. Leonard reached down and thumbed the tiny shirt that was caked in filth and a jolt of hysteric anger attempted to override his common sense.

               “Bones.” Jim caught his arm and gave it a firm squeeze. Leonard said nothing but folded the shirt and stuck it into the pocket of his leather jacket. One day there would be time for anger. Right now, they had a mission. He had to find Joanna.

               Jim looked at the door. It was the only thing between them and the rest of the house. Leonard could see a momentary flicker of fear on Jim’s face.

               “Does he have a gun?” He asked quietly.

               “He never did when I was here.” Leonard said softly. He hadn’t really thought about that. Most people in the south owned guns, but he never had. A couple of men in the medical field, it didn’t seem right to own something that took away lives.

               He stepped up to the door and tried to handle. It swung open slowly. He stayed perfectly still then, trying to listen over the slamming of his heart in his ears. He could hear the television in the sitting room. The smell of the kitchen hit him in the face as he peered out.

               A space that had once been pristine and comfortable now was unrecognizable. Filth was on every surface and continued across the floor. Clothes. Garbage. Alcohol containers. Leonard pressed a fist over his mouth to smother the involuntary gag that escaped him. He felt Jim’s fingers on the hem of his jacket.

               He pushed the door open and walked into the space, following the sound of the television. It was a children’s show. His knees felt weak as he continued forward. He needed to be careful, to be aware, but he couldn’t seem to bring an importance to anything accept getting to the living room.

               Sitting on the floor, in the midst of more filth, old food boxes, and bags of trash, sat a three-year-old. She was absolutely filthy, her hair a tangle on her head. She wore a shirt and one dirty sock. In her lap was once probably a white stuffed rabbit.

               “Joanna-“ Leonard’s voice broke as her name tore from his lips. The little girl’s head jerked around, green eyes wide. Her mouth made a wide ‘o’ of surprise before tears welled and she scrambled to her feet.

               “Daddy!” She nearly tripped on a shoe and Leonard lurched forward, catching her and pulling her close.

               “Shhh-shhhhh-“ he was shaking so badly he knew she felt it. He felt like someone had replaced his blood with dry ice. “I need you to be very quiet, sugar.” He said in a barely audible whisper. Joanna still had her face pressed against Leonard’s shoulder. He could feel her sobs so intense no sound was able to escape. Just choking gasps for air. He pulled her back and kissed her dirty face, brushed her hair back.

               “Joanna, I need you to tell me, where is Pop?” He asked urgently. Her eyes instantly filled with terror.

               “Asleep.” She pointed up. “Don’t. Don’t.” She hissed as Leonard started to stand. “Don’t wake up pop-“

               “We aren’t going to.” Leonard said quietly. He glanced a look back at Jim, who looked torn between unstoppable rage, and unbridled disgust. Jim’s gaze caught his. “Joanna, this is Jim. We’re gonna leave okay?”

               Joanna nodded, and Leonard scooped her up, making his way back towards the hallway to Joanna’s room. With Jim’s help, they got her suitecase from the closet and crammed as much as would fit. Including joanna’s baby book, baby blanket, and the toys she requested in a the quietest of whispers.

               With Jim carrying the bag, and Leonard with Joanna, the retraced their steps to the laundry room door, shut it behind them, and then burst out into the light and fresh air. At that point they abandoned caution and without a word between them, broke into a run.

               Leonard had never known terror until that moment. His feet carrying himself and his daughter through the blooming peach trees like world was crumbling out from behind them. They burst out onto the truck and Jim tossed the bag into the back as Leonard yanked passenger door open and jumped in. Jim was only a second behind them, shoving the key into the ignition and then peeling out of the drive.

               Joanna was clinging to his shirt, tears still running down her face. Leonard couldn’t think of anything to say, couldn’t seem to get a full breath in as he looked at her stricken face. It was only in holding her so close that he felt how thin she was. Felt her shaking under his own shaking hands.

               “I’m so sorry.” He breathed out. Joanna looked up at him, and then she wrapped her arms around his neck and hid her face from him. He hugged her tightly.

 

               Leonard wasn’t sure when Jim took his phone. Was vaguely aware of giving the passcode, and of Jim calling Lily-Anne. His head was spinning and his breath didn’t want to even out. At some point Joanna fell asleep on his shoulder. He clung to her until Jim pulled onto PeachPit lane.

               Lily-Anne was waiting on the sidewalk as they pulled up. She had the door open as soon as the truck was off, reaching up to take Joanna. Leonard clung to her.

               “Len, hun. Let me take her inside. Okay? You need a minute. It’s going to be fine.” Lily-Anne soothed. Leonard looked at her with wild, uncomprehending eyes.

               “Bones, let your sister take Joanna.” Jim’s voice permeated the wall of shock. Jim’s fingers were on his cheek, forcing their gazes to meet. “Let Lily-Anne take Joanna.”

               Leonard released his grip on his daughter, and Lily-Anna lifted her out of the car. “I’m going to take her inside. Jim, can I leave Len to you?”

               “Yeah.” Jim nodded. He’d leaned across the center console to undo Leonard’s belt. When had he fastened it? He couldn’t remember. His heart was still hammering. His shirt was clinging to him, soaked with sweat.

               Jim slid out of the truck, coming around to help Leonard out. He wasn’t sure what Jim wanted when he held the door open and offered out a hand. He stared at that hand, uncomprehending. Jim reached in and took his own, guiding him out of the truck. When his feet hit the ground, his knees nearly decided not to support him. He was shaking so badly he wasn’t sure how he managed to stay standing. The mess of the house was engrained in him. The smell of rotting food.

               The orange of prescription pill bottles. It hadn’t been cocaine. It was narcotics. Joce was on prescription pain killers. That was how he’d gotten fired. He was sure of it.

               “Bones, hey. It’s okay.” Jim’s voice was again trying to reach him through the wall of fog. “It’s going to be okay. Hey, can you hear me?”

               And suddenly, Leonard could. Suddenly the fog was gone and everything was excruciatingly loud. The buzz of bugs, the sound of his own breathing, the heat of the air.

               He doubled abruptly and was sick all over the pavement.

               Jim caught hold of him before he overbalanced into the mess. Holding him steady and acting as a physical support as well as a mental one.

               “Whoah—okay. I’ve got you. You need to breathe, Bones. You’re going to hyperventilate. Fuck. What is it you always tell me? In through the nose, out through the mouth. Hard to do that when your—oh jesus—” Jim narrowly missed a second round of vomit that came dangerously close to his shoes.

               Leonard coughed, reeling as the reality of the situation slammed down onto his puny, mortal existence. It was several long minutes before he trusted himself to speak.

               “Sorry-“ He croaked, unbending himself, but still leaning heavily on Jim. “Sorry. Ugg-hell…”

               “You two alright?” Cole was coming down the driveway. He looked at Jim, Leonard, and the mess on the sidewalk and his expression twisted between sympathy and disgust.

               “Let’s get him inside and sitting down.” Cole suggested.

               “That sounds like a fabulous idea.” Jim agreed.

 

 

               “I’m still sorry.” Leonard muttered for the thousandth time as Jim helped him unload the dirty clothes from Joanna’s bag into Lily-Anne’s washer.

               “Don’t be.” Jim said, his tone somber and lacking his usual peppy encouragement. He glanced at Leonard. “There was no way anyone could have been braced for that.”            

               “I just...it’s hard to wrap my head around. Joce was never a dedicated parent, but a neglectful addict? I’d never have even guessed.” Leonard added a little more soap than he normally would have.

               “Drugs’ll do that to you.” Jim cringed. “Trust me. I watched my little brother spiral. It’s wild shit.”

               “It wasn’t street drugs he’s on.” Leonard replied, his expression sullen.

               “Yeah…I saw. Codine. Morphine. Vicodin, and Oxi among other things rolling around the kitchen.” Jim, pressed his lips together, a little twist of guilt that Leonard hadn’t expected.

               “What?” He asked, shutting the lid to the washer.

               “I…while you were grabbing Joanna, I grabbed a bunch of the empty bottles on the floor. I wasn’t sure if they’d be useful for evidence, or if I needed too, but it’s pretty solid proof.”

               Leonard was staring at Jim, grappling with a mix of amazement and gratitude.

               “That…that is going to make our case a lot easier.” He said, reaching out to squeeze Jim’s arm. “I don’t think ‘thank you’ is ever going to cover this.”

               “It doesn’t need to.” Jim covered Leonard’s hand with his own.

 

               They stepped out of the laundry room, where Cole had the coffee pot going despite it being nearly six in the evening. The smell was enough to make Leonard feel more grounded.

               “Lily-Anne is almost done with Joanna’s bath. I thought we’d let her pick what’s for dinner tonight.” Cole came around the counter and leaned against the breakfast bar.

               “I think she’d like that.” Leonard looked at his brother with a small, grateful smile. Cole returned it.

               “You going to be okay?” The bigger man asked, his dark brows furrowing.

               “Someday maybe.” Leonard pulled a hand down his face and tried to construct a more easy going expression. “I think I’ll be going to the courthouse tomorrow though.”

               “I can come with you.” Jim said quickly. Leonard looked at him in surprise.

               “You sure? You’ve already done more than enough, Jim.” He replied, but Jim shook his head.

               “I want to. And it’s easier to go through with someone there.” Jim rubbed the back of his neck. “I want to help you out.”

               “I can easily say, you have done that a thousand times over.” Leonard said, but the grateful smile that curved his lips betrayed his relief and genuine happiness over the offer.

               “Daddy!”

               Leonard looked up at a ball of soggy, towel clad toddler came pelting down the hall and crashed into Leonard’s legs, soaking through the clean jeans he’d changed into.

               “Oh no! It’s a drippy monster!” Leonard turned and bent, extracting Joanna from his legs so he could crouch down and work the towel over her hair. “What a pretty monster!”

               “Grrrr.” Joanna said from under the towel. He lifted it to peek at her. Clean she looked like a different kid. Her green eyes sparkling and her rosy cheeks giving color to her face.

               “I missed you.” He said with tenderness that made his voice waver.

               “You’re coming home?” Joanna asked, and Leonard brushed a dripping curl from her eyes.

               “Not quite. We’re going somewhere new. Together.” He smiled. To his surprise, she beamed and leaned in, pressing a clumsy kiss against his cheek.

               “Do my hair?” She asked excitedly. “Please please please!” She grabbed at his hand.

               “I will absolutely do your hair, sugar.” He laughed, looking at Jim. “You want to learn how to style hair very poorly?”

               “That sounds brilliant.” Jim nodded.

 

               After Joanna was dressed and her hair was put up, she and David went to the backyard to play. Joanna’s request for dinner was spaghetti, and Leonard was happy to oblige. He joined Lily-Anne in the kitchen. Jim offered to do the chopping, and she set him up with the onions and garlic by the sink.

               “So, you’ll take her back to California?” Lily-Anne asked. She had Sarah in a wrap against her chest and periodically touched the baby’s head as she stirred the noodles in the pot.

               “That’s the plan as long as we don’t have a custody dispute. Which I don’t think we will.” Leonard said as he placed another freshly rolled meatball into a frying pan.

               “What happens when you go up into space?” Lily-Anne asked.

               “When I’m assigned? You can bring kids into space, Lily.” Leonard chuckled. “And if it’s a short mission, they have programs for parents. There are actually more kids and families than you would expect.”

               “That’s good. I think she’ll be happy with all the adventure.” Lily-Anne replied.

               Leonard looked up at Jim as he chopped. His expression said little as to what he was thinking, but the way his shoulders hunched, the way his eyes were so steadily trained on the work beneath his fingers, told Leonard that something was up.

               They finished prepping dinner, and Leonard covered the meatballs as they simmered through. He turned to Jim, who was drying his hands on a lemon yellow dish towel.

               “Wanna step out on the front porch?” Leonard asked. Jim arched his eyebrows. It was curious, how dark they were compared to his brilliant, golden blond hair.

               “Sure.” He said and draped the towel over the edge of the sink.

              

               The evening was warm and thick. Fragrant with blossoming flowers and lush grass. They both sat on the steps to the front patio, just a foot apart. Leonard rubbed his hands together, trying to stage his thoughts. Up until now they had been easy. Two men with difficult pasts they didn’t involve each other in, or bother each other with. That dynamic had flipped. The intimacy of casual had been precariously replaced with the vulnerability of exposure.

               “You’re a good dad, Bones.” Jim said suddenly. Leonard’s face heated, and he made a low, sputtering noise.

               “I can’t even begin to believe that is true.” He said, his voice tight. He glanced at Jim, who was looking out over the yard.

               “You are. I’m glad you’re bringing Joanna back with us.” Jim said, and then paused thoughtfully. “We’ll need to get a carseat to put in the back of the truck for the trip home.”

               “We’re going to need to go shopping for a great many things.” Leonard chuckled. “It’s a good thing I never touched my savings account when I was being a pile of trash.”

               “Do you think…Do you think Joanna will like me?” Jim asked suddenly. Leonard gave Jim a curious look.

               “Was that what you were thinking about when you were chopping onions?” He laughed, and Jim grinned sheepishly.

               “Yeah…well. Sort of. I was thinking about how different things are going to be when we get back to California. I haven’t ever really spent much time with kids. I don’t really know what you feed them, or how to care for them. What sort of batteries they take.” Jim laughed. “But she’s a good kid. I can tell that. I dunno. I never really imagined wanting to be involved with a kid, but…I just was wondering if you would be okay with me…helping.”

               “I’d like that a lot.” Leonard said, his smile warm. “And honestly, I’m probably going to need it. It’s going to change everything about how I…exist. I’m glad though. It’s been empty without her. I’m a dad. Having that stripped away left me feeling like a chunk of my life was just over.”

               “I…have no idea what that would be like. And weirdly, I want to find out. Does that make me a weird uncle or something?” Jim snorted, and then caught Leonard’s gaze.

               A silence fell between them that stretched out. There was something in Jim’s gaze. Something intense and unsure and nameless. Leonard felt his breath catch in his chest, and then they both were called to attention by the screaming of tires on pavement as someone turned a corner at reckless speed.

               Leonard jerked his head up in time to see a red Ford swerving down the road. It reared up onto the pavement and came to a screeching stop. Leonard’s eyes fixed on the windshield, where a large crack spidered from corner to corner.

               Jim was already on his feet as the door flung open, but he seemed to freeze when he saw what was crawling out of the car. The man that emerged from the car was unrecognizable as Jocelyn Merriweather. The clean shaven jaw and carefully arranged black hair had been replaced by weeks of beard. The wild look in Joce’s eyes was concealed by stringy black strands that had obviously been unwashed for some time. He staggered from the car and clambered around it, pointing a finger at Leonard, who was now also on his feet.

               “YOU!” He bellowed, clumsily making right through the grass, ignoring the pathway all together. He shook the still accusing finger. “ _YOU_!”

               Leonard put a hand out, catching Jim at the chest as he started to go down the stairs. Jim froze, and Leonard took the steps to meet Joce. He was spidery and skeletal. His clothes hung from his body.

               “You TOOK her you BASTARD!” Joce screamed, stopping only a foot from Leonard. “You have no right! You KIDNAPPED her you motherfucker!”

               “Joce, you are in no state to take care of a child.” Leonard was surprised to find his tone relative calm. “I’m taking Joanna with me to California.”

               “You fucking think you are! What? You think you’re so great? That your new _boyfriend_?” Joce sneered at Jim. “Think you can just rebuild! Did you know this piece of shit won’t even put OUT.” Joce jammed a finger into Leonard’s chest. “You think you can have it all back? It was your FAULT it didn’t—if you’d just—if you’d given it to me—but NO. Too fucking High and Mighty. Leonard Fucking McCoy. Too good even for his own husband!”

               Leonard stared at Joce. Or what was left of him. Somewhere he remembered the crinkle of those brown eyes when Joce laughed. Somewhere he remember laughter in that rumbling voice. It all made so much sense now. All those years, as Joce morphed into someone else, it was because Leonard didn’t see what was really happening. Didn’t see that Joce was slipping into a dark, deep hole.

               “Jocelyn. I’m so sorry I didn’t see it sooner. I’m sorry I couldn’t help you.” Leonard said softly.

               “What?” Wild rage made Joce’s eyes roll. “what the FUCK do you think you know?!” He lunged at Leonard now, seized him by the shirt and before Leonard could react, a fist connected with his jaw. His head snapped back. Joce was a good five inches taller than him, and despite the frail appearance, there was a strength fueled by madness in his body. Leonard clawed at Joce’s shirt but another blow connected with his face.

               “YOU THINK YOU KNOW. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU KNOW. YOU DON’T KNOW SHIT. GIVE HER BACK. GIVE HER BACK YOU BASTARD!”

               “LET HIM GO!”

               Leonard was vaguely aware of Jim’s voice. Joce shoved him to the ground, kicking at him and landing a square hit to his ribs. And then Joce was screaming and shrieking. Leonard struggled to his knees to look up and find that Jim had Joce from behind, restraining him. Joce was shouting non-sense. Across the street the neighbors were coming out.

               “Hold him Jim!” Cole’s voice came from the patio. “I have the police on the line!”

               “I’ve got him!” Jim called back, though Joce was doing his best to slam his body into Jim. The raw strength of Jim’s fit, grounded form kept him restrained. Leonard reached up as wet registered on his lips. He pulled his fingers back and saw red. Was that his blood? It had to be. He hadn’t hit Joce.

               Sirens reached their ears and Joce started screaming hysterics, flailing against Jim’s hold. Leonard pulled himself to his feet and helped Jim hold Joce down.

               He didn’t stop screaming until the police used a sedative in his thigh, and he slumped to the ground, staring up at them before his eyes rolled back and he lost consciousness.

 

               “Nothing’s broken, Doctor McCoy.”

               “Thanks Suze.” Leonard murmured. He was sitting in the back of Ambulance one. He had served a year and a half in that ambulance when he was twenty. Suzey smiled kindly at him.

               “Looks like you don’t have a concussion either. You’re lucky, he hit you damn hard.” She touched his shoulder. “I’m so sorry, Len.”

               “It’ll be…I’m okay.” Leonard whispered. He looked out at the cops that were taking statements from Lily-Anne and Cole now. Jim was standing by the car with Joanna and David, keeping them out of the way of the paramedics. Joce had been taken away by the first of the police on the scene.

               “Who’s the new guy?” Suzey asked. “Will you guys be around?”

               “That’s James Kirk. We met when I enlisted to Starfleet.” Leonard murmured sheepishly.

               “Starfleet? Now _that_ is a career. So…are you two like-“ she winked and Leonard bit his lower lip. His cheeks were hot, which made the bruise under his left eye pound.

               “No. We aren’t.” He murmured.

               “Well….if you ever decide to be…he seems like the right sort of man.” Suzey patted his arm, and before he could respond, she walked away over to Jim to check Joanna over.

               Jim took that moment to investigate, wandering over. His eyebrows were knitted tightly over his eyes in a scowl as he leaned against the ambulance next to where Leonard was sitting.

               “You okay?” He asked, his tone rough.

               “Yeah. Better than I thought I’d be actually.” Leonard drug his hand through his hair and looked up at Jim. “You?”

               “I’m fucking pissed.” Jim hissed through clenched teeth. “I can’t believe I let him hit you.”

               “You didn’t let him.” Leonard replied. “I let him.”

               “I still can’t believe I let it happen.” Jim clenched and unclenched his fists. “I…gave those bottles to the police officers.”

               “That’s probably a good idea. They’ll have idea of what all is coursing through his system.” Leonard nodded. He watched Jim’s fingers clench and unclench.

               _He’s the right sort of man._

               Leonard smiled, and Jim caught the expression. He scowled. “What are you grinning at? You just got smacked in the face and—and—”

               “You’re a good man, Jim.” Leonard said quietly. Jim blinked, obviously confused.

               “She said you don’t have a concussion right?” Jim asked, but his tone was softer now.

               “Nope. Not concussed.” Leonard reached out and pressed his fingers to Jim’s palm. He brushed their fingers together before withdrawing his hand. “Just grateful.”

               “Grateful?”

               “Yeah. Grateful for you.”

              


	4. Transition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes we learn to forget. Sometimes we forget to learn. L

               The next three days were insane.

               Leonard was called to the police station the day after Joce’s arrest. He explained what he had seen in the house, did a blood and urine test for drugs, called in his Starfleet employment papers, and gave an account of what had happened during the divorce.

               He was then brought up to date on the charges against Joce. Grand theft of narcotics from the hospital as well as felony drug possession and dealing. He had warrants for arrest in Alabama as well as Tennessee.

               Leonard had left the station feeling emotionally wrung out and generally depressed. His anger had dissipated to painful guilt. He couldn’t help but feel he was somehow responsible for the downward spiral of Joce’s life.

 

               The next two days he was again at the station and the Court House. There was a rushed custody hearing where papers were signed to grant Leonard legal guardianship of Joanna. He had sat in the bathroom for twenty minutes fighting tears while Jim patiently waited outside in the hall.

               After all was said and done, he had his daughter. He had her in his care, and it appeared that the Joce wasn’t going to get bail. Both his parents wanted nothing to do with him. They hadn’t since before he and Leonard had married. Joce was stuck getting sober behind bars.

              

               “How you doing?” Lily-Anne came out onto the porch the evening of their fourth night. Leonard was on the swing, his chin propped on his palms, elbows digging into his thighs. He glanced at his sister.

               “I feel like I fucked up.” Leonard said after a long moment. The harmony of cricket sounds and summer cicadas hummed so loud around them it made Leonard’s skin itch.

               “I know how you feel.” Lily said, sighing as she sat down in one of the lounge chairs. Her hair was loose, pulled over one shoulder so it wouldn’t stick to her back in the humid heat. “I feel like I gave up on him.”

               “Yeah.” Leonard pressed his lips together and looked out over the yard. “I…I feel like there was more I could have done. If I had noticed sooner. If I had been a better partner.” He straightened and scrubbed a hand over his face. “But at the same time I feel…nothing. I don’t love him anymore. Love died years ago between us. Logically I know that the things he did were his choice, so I don’t understand why I am so torn.”

               “It’s because it’s easier to blame ourselves than to try and understand why.” She glanced at Leonard and he could tell there was something she wanted to say.

               “What’s wrong?” He asked, his skin prickling.

               “Nothing is wrong…I just. I feel like there’s something you should know.” Lily-Anne breathed out slowly. “My parents…they won’t talk to him because this isn’t the first time this has happened.”

               “What?” Leonard frowned as he tried to understand what she meant. “Not the first time he’s been arrested?”

               “No…it’s the first time that’s happened. That the law got involved…but it’s not the first time he got caught using. Narcotics. The reason my parents don’t talk to him is because of all this. They found out he’d been stealing my grandmother’s pain medications the first time. This was while he was in high-school, and I was in middle-school. They sent him to therapy, and to a sobriety clinic. Everything seemed better after that. He got into med-school, was living at home the first year…” Lily-Anne wrapped her arms around herself. “Mom asked him to bring his clothes down to wash before he left for the weekend…and he didn’t. She went into his room to gather them up…and under his bed she found a suitcase filled with drugs. Not just narcotics. Street drugs…He’d been using and dealing.

               “When Joce got home, my parents told him he wasn’t welcome in the house anymore. That if this was how he wanted to live, they wouldn’t support him. Especially after all the money they’d dumped into the care for the first time around. Joce swore up a storm. He punched Dad. He stormed out.” She bit her lip as his voice quivered. “When they found out I was talking to him again, they were really upset. They didn’t want me getting involved…but then I told them about you. Then about Joanna when she was born.” Lily-Anne rubbed under her eyes. “God, Len. I’m so sorry…I should have said something sooner…but…but I didn’t…I couldn’t…”

               “I get it, Lily.” Leonard said softly, his expression gentle. “You wanted to protect him.”

               “No…” Lily said quietly. “I wanted to protect you. I wanted to believe that he had changed, and I didn’t want you to know those things because I didn’t want to shatter your idea of him.” She reached out to touch his wrist. “After you left…I knew. I knew he’d never stopped using. I knew I should have told you…and then everything was just so out of control.

               Leonard caught Lily-Anne’s hand and held it both of his. “It’s not your fault.” He said softly. “None of what has happened has been your fault.”

               The back door swung open at that moment and Jim pushed the screen out. He stepped onto the porch, his hair still wet from the shower. He paused when he saw the two of them sitting so close together and reached for the door handle again.

               “Sorry—didn’t mean to interrupt.” He said quickly, but Lily-Anne pulled her hand back from Leonard and patted his knee.

               “Don’t go! We were just talking. It’s okay.” She reassured. Jim’s fingers hovered over the handle a moment before he came to sit. He took the seat next to Leonard on the swing.

               “Everything okay?” Jim asked. He was scanning Leonard’s solemn expression.

               “I’m working on it being okay.” Leonard said. Jim nodded, and then he shuffled his feet.

               “Uh…hey. I know it’s probably…a bit uh—a bit awkward but…um. I want to take you and Joanna shopping tomorrow.” Jim mumbled sheepishly. Leonard’s eyebrows went up.

               “We were planning on going, Jim. It won’t be a problem to do it tomorrow.” He frowned, confused by why Jim looked so shy.

               “No I mean, I want to take you. And cover it.” Jim said, glancing up at Leonard. He was greeted with the shock that he had probably been expecting on the first attempt at the offer.

               “Jim, I have a savings, it’ll be no problem too—” Leonard started, but Jim cut in.

               “I want to help. And while I play the dead-beat mid-western drop out card well, I uh…I have the…uh. Means. To help.” Jim stammered.

               Lily-Anne stood silently and went to the door, giving Leonard an encouraging look before vanishing inside.

               “Jim-“ Leonard started. “I can’t take your money.”

               “It’s not really mine.” Jim said quietly. “It’s my Dad’s.”

               Leonard blinked. George Kirk was rarely mentioned between them. Sometimes Leonard forgot that Jim was the son of the famous war hero. The man who had saved a whole crew’s lives, including Jim’s and his mother’s, the night he sacrificed himself to an unknown ship that had decimated the USS Kelvin.

               “My dad…when he died, he had a lot of money. My mom funneled it into a savings account that trusted to me when I turned Twenty-one. I haven’t touched it. Didn’t want to. I think at first out of anger, and then out of fear that I’d waste it.” Jim muttered. “Getting what we need for Joanna won’t even put a dent in it, and it’s….it feels like something he’d approve of using it for.”

               Leonard couldn’t help the smile that tugged at his lips. How had he gotten so lucky as to find a friend in James T Kirk, he would never know. But in that moment, his gratitude was beyond the limits of space.

               “Well…I guess I can’t really argue with that.” Leonard said, and Jim gave him a ghost of a smile. “I’d be honored to have your dad’s help in this.”

               “I bet he’s honored to be helping.” Jim whispered, and he looked up at the stars blanketed out over their heads.

 

 

               The next morning dawned cloudy and humid. Leonard was up at six with Joanna, who decided pancakes were an absolute necessity for starting the day correctly. By the time Jim came stumbling up the basement steps from the guest room, Leonard had Joanna in her high-chair with a sticky pancake and a sippy-cup full of milk.

               “Look at you.” Jim whistled as he made a bee-line for the steaming coffee-pot. “I had no idea you could make pancakes.”

               “Cake!” Joanna yelled and smacked a chubby fingered hand down into the pancake, ripping out the center. Jim blinked.

               “Yeah. She’s definitely your kid.” He said, watching Joanna destroy the pancake.

               “Yeah.” Leonard said fondly, sticking another brown, fluffy disk on a stack by the griddle. “She is.”

               Leonard grabbed a mug for coffee, and then sat beside Jim at the table. Joanna was destroyed a corner of her pancake now, shoving syrup sweet gobs into her mouth. She pulled a bigger piece off and waved it at Jim.

               “You want.” She said, not as an offer, but a demand. Jim grinned and leaned forward, opening his mouth. Joanna’s eyes went wide, and she stuck the pancake piece into his mouth. Leonard stared. Usually when a toddler offered you the thing she killed you didn’t agree to put it in your mouth. Especially if the toddler wasn’t your own.

               “Yum.” Jim hummed. “That’s good. Thank you.” He grinned at Joanna, who beamed.

               “Yum!” She repeated, and stuck another piece in her own mouth.

 

               After breakfast, Leonard washed Joanna, washed himself, and then found Cole fitting one of their spare carseats into the back of the truck.

               “Oh, I didn’t even think about that.” Leonard said as he walked down the sidewalk to the truck. “Thanks.”

               “No problem. Don’t want you getting pulled over before you make it to the Mall.” Cole chuckled.

               “Yeah…let’s not do that.” Leonard said, handing Joanna off to Cole when he reached for her. He strapped her in and booped her nose.

               “And now you have a throne to sit on.” He chuckled. “Alright, if you guys need anything, just give me a ring.” He stepped back just as Jim came down the walk.

               “Will do.” Jim clipped off a salute and walked around to the driver’s side. “There aren’t and alligators at the mall right?”

               “Actually…” Cole started, and then gave them a wave before turning back to the house.

               “He’s kidding, right?” Jim asked, as they settled into the cab.

               “I dunno.” Leonard shrugged, but his smile was well concealed.

 

               The Atlanta mall was gigantic. When they got inside, it took nearly twenty minutes to even find the Khols. Once since they spent a painful amount of time trying on clothes that didn’t have an unneeded amount of product placement involved on them. The more or less bought a full new wardrobe for Joanna, as even the clothes they’d managed to bring from the house were either ruined or too small.

               Joanna was adamantly against dresses of any sort, which made things easier. Leonard was happy to indulge her desire for pants and leggings. She also ended up with a pair of little, brown cowboy boots that Jim couldn’t say no too. She walked out of the store wearing them and clinging to his hand.

               Leonard Walked behind them with a large number of bags, smiling at the scene before him. Jim was swinging his hand with her’s as she chattered away about bow good boots are and how now she could ride a horse for ‘real’ and then described the horse she wanted to ride as the neighbor dog. Jim was chuckled, and Leonard’s heart was melting.

               They found a car seat for the ride home, deciding to wait on anything else big until they were back in California.

               “So did housing get back to you?” Jim asked as they sat in the food court. Joanna had desperately wanted a pretzel and Jim agreed to split it with her to spare the overstuffing of a toddler, and a Leonard McCoy of fake nacho cheese heart burn.

               “Yeah, I got the email this morning. There isn’t any problems with the change. Since I have an apartment anyway, I won’t have to move.” Leonard sipped from the coke he’d gotten.

               “We live in space?” Joanna asked. She had cheese all over her face. Leonard smiled warmly and turned to fish a wipe out of the bag they’d brought. Wipes. A needed child cleaning item for all parents. He set to work finding her face.

               “Not yet, Sugar.” He hummed as he cleaned cheese from a strand of hair. “Right now we will live in a big tall building.”

               “What about home?” Joanna asked, looking at her father with big, worried eyes. “What about home?”

               “I…” Leonard trailed off as he thought about the house. He honesty didn’t know. He knew he owned at least part of it. The deed was in his name. He’d had the better credit. When they’d gotten married they never bothered to have it transferred.

               “Bones?” Jim asked, and Leonard realized that his hands were hovering over Joanna’s cheeks. She reached up and snatched the wipe, rubbing it against her face like he had been doing.

               “I…I think I own the house, Jim.” Leonard said, dumbstruck.

               “What?” Jim asked, frowning.

               “I think I own it. The deed is in my name. I did all the payments. I don’t know how that is effected by a divorce. I didn’t care when it happened, I just left.”

               “Was the mortgage in your name?” Jim leaned forward on the table.

               “Yeah. It all was. He had toasted his credit before we moved in together on a bad car loan.” Leonard’s fingers were shaking as he tried to resume the work of cleaning Joanna’s face.

               “You should probably call the court house…” Jim said quietly. “Have you been making payments on it?”

               Leonard blushed furiously and nodded. “I pay the mortgage every month.”          

               Jim stared at him, uncomprehending. “You paid for him to keep living there?”

               “Jim…” Leonard felt his neck heating and the look of anger flashing somewhere in Jim’s tone was enough to unsettle him. “I felt it was a way for me to keep helping. I was paying mortgage in leu of child support. That was the arrangement we had made.”

               Jim scowled, but nodded. “Alright, that makes sense. As long as he wasn’t robbing you. When I met you, you were homeless for F—” Jim glanced at Joanna’s big, soft eyes and he stammered to a stop. “For  _heck’s_  sake.”

               “I wasn’t homeless…I just…wasn’t living anywhere.” Leonard replied. “It’s different.”

               “I can’t even believe that he was living there while you paid for it. After he managed to weasel custody of Joanna from you.”

               “The only reason that happened was because he got me fired from my job, and cited me as incapable of caring for her.” Leonard mumbled. “And the court saw he had a job, and that I didn’t, and that was sort of the end of it.”

               “That’s absolute crap-“ Jim growled, smashing a bit of pretzel to death between his fingers. “How did he even swing that.”

               “Because he was dating a woman.” Leonard said quietly.

               Jim went deadly quiet after those words, as the reality sank in over Jim. Leonard watched each layer of the shit cake work it’s way through Jim’s system.

               “They…ruled in his favor…because he…they…because he-“ Jim couldn’t even finish the sentence.

               “Because they saw a man and a woman together trying to keep a child. A ‘proper’ family unit. This is Georgia Jim. It’s one of the least progressive states in the whole country. They won the case because the seventy-year-old white judge saw the two of them as a more acceptable family than a single gay dad.” Leonard breathed out. “You’d think in this day and age people would be better, but racism and homophobia are still alive in the darker places of this world and it’s complete trash.”

               Jim pinched the bridge of his nose, and then he looked up at Leonard. “I am going to fight something before we leave here.”

               Leonard blinked, and then he let out a bark of startling laughter. Jim threw his hands up. “Why are you laughing!”

               “I just-“ Leonard waved to Jim. “I appreciate you.” He chuckled, collecting the trash from the table into the bag the pretzel had originated from. “Please don’t fight anyone. We already did that once, and Pike would kill me if you get another assault charge on your record.”

               “Yeah yeah-“ Jim muttered, but her was blushing.

               Joanna scooted off her chair and went around the table to Jim. “Up!”

               Jim looked down at her, his eyes going a bit wide. She thrust her hands up at him. “Up! Up!”

               He reached down and scooped Joanna up onto his legs, where she settled in against his chest, swinging her legs.

               “Does Jim live in space?” Joanna asked.

               “I don’t live in space.” Jim smiled.

               “Most of the time.” Leonard smirked, and Jim swatted at him.

               “Do you live with Daddy?” Joanna asked, looking up at him. “Are you a dad?”

               “I-“ Jim sputtered and shook his head. “No—I don’t live with your dad. I…I don’t have kids so I’m not a dad-“ Leonard stared at Joanna. Kid’s were weirdy sensitive, but he was generally surprised as how forward she was. Granted, he was still getting used too how much she could talk now.

               “Live with us!” Joanna beamed. “I’ll share my bed!”

               “I don’t think your bed will be big enough for Jim, Sugar. His legs are too long.” Leonard chuckled.

               “Then he can live in yours!” Joanna grinned.

               It was Leonard’s turn to blush to the collar. Jim sputtered elegantly and Leonard was surprised to see the younger man looking so flustered. Granted, it was one thing when one of their friends at the academy made a domestic joke about them, it was another when it was coming out of a Three-Year-Old.

              “We should probably get going-“ Leonard said quickly, standing to take the trash to the can.

              “Yeah, your sister will wonder if we got swallowed by a Sephora.” Jim latched to the change of subject like a drowning man to a life-vest.

              As Leonard gathered up Joanna he glanced a look at Jim, at his back and the red still bright on his neck. The smallest of smiles tried to pull at his lips.

 

 

              “I think we’ll probably start the trip back the day after tomorrow.”

              “So soon?”

              “We need to get the Captain back his truck. I don’t think he’ll be too pleased if we steal it all summer.”

              Leonard was sitting on the sofa next to Lily-Anne. She yawned and stretched. Cole was putting the baby down and Jim had decided to Join David for a game of catch in the backyard.

              “I guess that’s fair.” Lily-Anne sighed. “We’ll just have to come to see you out in California. Poor us.” She drawled and gave Leonard a nudge.

              “Oh no. Beaches. Whatever will you do.” Leonard teased and he chuckled. “Hey…Can I ask you a favor?”

              “Anything, Len. What’s up?” Lily-Anne didn’t move from her draped position, but her eyes narrowed.

              “Can you watch Joanna for a bit tomorrow…I wanted to go…back to the house.” He was mulling the news he’d gotten on voicemail after the mall around in his head.

              “I…I don’t mind watching her, but why would you want to go back there?” Lily-Anne frowned. Worry created creases at the corners of her eyes.

              “Because I own it.” Leonard whispered.

              Outside he could hear Jim laughing. He curled his fingers up into his palm and glanced at Lily-Anne.

              “You never co-signed the deed.” She said, understanding washing over her. “Holy shit, Len. You’ve been paying that mortgage this whole time?” She looked absolutely horrified and Leonard winced.

              “I…I didn’t want it to wreck my credit, and he and I agreed it would take the place of childsupport…”

              “That’s—oh my god.” Lily-Anne pressed her palms to her face and breathed out hard. Leonard gripped his knees in his hands and leaned forward a bit.

              “I just…I can’t leave it like that…I might sell it. I probably will. I just…I loved that house. I can’t just leave it.” He said the words in a shaky tumble, which got Lily-Anne’s attention and she dropped her hands into her lap.

              “I…I almost think it’d be better to just hire someone else to…to deal with that.” She said weakly. “I mean…it’s…I have no idea what you’ll find in that house.”

              “Neither do I. But I feel like if I am willing to go to space and gallivant off to some planet in the middle of somewhere on the edge of existence, cleaning the house shouldn’t be that bad. It’s not Mars. It’s not infested with Alien diseases…” Leonard sighed as Cole came back into the livingroom. He arched an eyebrow.

              “Not happy to see me?” He chuckled, coming to sit beside Lily on the sofa.

              “No—no sorry.” Leonard shook his head. “I’m just…potentially destroying my precarious mental stability.”

              “He’s going to go back to the house tomorrow.” Lily-Anne scowled.

              “Good lord why?” Cole cringed.

              “Because he owns it.” Lily-Anne supplied before Leonard could explain, which gained him a second look of horrified shock.        

              “Neither of you are helping.” Leonard snapped out. “I know it’s awful, but I want to make sure nothing important is still in there, you know? And I just…I could leave that mess to the hired help. It’s unfair.”

              Cole and Lily-Anne exchanged looks.

              “Listen, Len. I appreciate it, but honestly…” Cole said gently. “I feel like this might be a bad idea. It was hard enough just going in there when you were getting Joanna.”

              “It’ll haunt me for the rest of my life if I don’t go back and face it down.” Leonard said quietly.

              Neither Cole nor Lily-Anne said anything, and Leonard decided to take that moment to get up wordlessly and head for the shower.

 

 

              “Jim?” Leonard whispered. He had come down the stairs as quietly as possible to find light from the guest room filtering through the cracked door. He nudged it and peeked inside.

              “Bones?” Jim glanced up as he peeked in. Leonard was amused by the site. Jim propped in bed, reading some thick classic, his blond hair tousled and sticky up from where his head had been propped on a hand.

              “It never ceased to amuse me that you read classics.” He chuckled. “It seems so out of character for you.”

              “Are you kidding? Tolkien was a mad genius.” Jim rolled into a sitting position, tossing the Fellowship of The Rings onto the pillow. Leonard sat down beside Jim on the squashy mattress.

              “I uh…I wanted to ask you something.” Leonard said. He didn’t look up at Jim.

              “You want me to come with you to the house tomorrow?” Jim said, and Leonard only managed a nod.

              “I…I would really appreciate if you would.” Leonard said quietly. “I know it’ll be awful, so if you say no I’m not going to be upset, but…I don’t really want to go in their alone.”

              “Of course I’ll go with you.” Jim said, and his tone was softer than usual. Not belligerent, or stubborn to the point of occasional arrogance. It was a reassurance. Not a point for him to prove his loyalty. Leonard looked at him.

              “I can’t begin to comprehend how you are still here doing this with me.”

              “What? You think I’d just run off because you have some tough shit in your past?” Jim snorted. “Hate to break it to you, Bones…but you aren’t the only one dragging some nasty ass skeletons to each new closet.”

              “You don’t seem like the skeleton type.” Leonard chuckled, but he looked at Jim for an explanation now. “I know a lot of this is personal, but I get the feeling it’s not your stepdad you’re referencing.”

              “No…I’m not.” Jim said quietly. “You remember what I asked you on the drive down? About why you would even get married?”

              “Yeah?” Leonard frowned.

              “Yeah. Well, I am the sort of guy who…who just dates, and doesn’t stay to clean up the messes. Who takes, and doesn’t think about the consequences because I’ll be gone the next day anyway. Or…I was. I was that guy. Except these days it…it isn’t like that anymore.” Jim ran his hand through his hair. “I was Joce at one point. Or on the road to it. Drinking myself away, trying crazy shit just to see what it would do, and not caring who I hurt or what I needed to do to get there.”

              “I don’t think you could ever be Joce.” Leonard said quietly.

              “The thing is…I…I never wanted to be. It wasn’t a conscious choice. I never married anyone, never had any kids, but damn…I know I fucked up some hearts. Some lives. It’s one of the reasons I took Starfleet. Because it gave me a chance to leave that all behind. A chance to…to start over. I guess.” Jim looked at Leonard. “And all of this? This trip. It’s made me realize some shit about myself that I think I needed to understand.”

              “What did it help you understand?” Leonard asked.

              “All these years I spent just ‘having fun’, were just lies to hide from how afraid I am of saying yes.” Jim whispered. “Ask me. Ask me if I’ll come with you tomorrow.”

              “W-will you…come with me?”

              “Yes.” Jim looked at him with intensity. “Yes, Bones. I will.”


End file.
